All Your Fault (Dance Moms)

Chapter 1~A Notebook

MADDIES POV

*3 Weeks After Kendall's Suicide*

I miss her. Everyone misses her. I don't think I've ever cried the most than when I did at her funeral. So far, no one has gotten over her suicide, and I don't think I will for a long time. She was one of my best friends, one of the people I told everything to. She was....perfect, and even though Abby never admitted it, Kendall was an amazing dancer.

There are so many questions bouncing around in my head. Why did she do it? WHAT made her come to the conclusion that she wanted to kill herself? Did she ever think about how much everyone who loved her would miss her if she killed herself? Why didn't I see that something was wrong?

I don't know how I'm going to live without her.

Love,

Maddie

I shut my diary closed and shoved it under my pillow, covered in a pink polka dotted pillow case. I let my head fall back onto the warm, soft fabric and just lied there. Silent. Thinking about all of my questions that I had written down in my diary, as well as some other ones.

After I lied there for a while, my stomach started to make hungry, grumbling noises, and I suddenly started craving potato chips. I slowly lifted my head up from my pillow, and let my feet fall from the bed, onto the cold, dark brown wood floor. I stood up and made my way downstairs to the kitchen.

I stepped into the kitchen, and found my mom and Kenzie, spreading orange colored frosting onto a vanilla flavored cake. My mother turned her head around when she heard me sigh. She gave me a weak smile.

"Hey, Mads. Kenzie and I are almost

done with our cake. When we are, would you want a piece?"

I softly shook my head.

"Madde, honey? Are you doing alright?"

I shook my head again. I turned to the cabinet, not wanting Mom to talk to me anymore. I opened the cabinet, and was about to pull out the chips, when suddenly-

DING DONG!

The door bell rang loudly, making my head hurt.

"Could you get that, Maddie?" Said Mom, not bothering to look up from her and Kenzie's cake.

I sighed and closed the cupboard. My sock covered feet shuffled to the door. I unlocked it and was about to say something, but there was no one to say it to. I looked down, and there, sitting on the welcome mat, was a box. It was a brown box, more on the small side, kind of in the shape of a notebook or something.

"Mom," I yelled, "its a package!"

She didn't answer me, so I just picked it up and closed the door. I slowly walked back into the kitchen to read the black writing on the box. It read:

ship date: 5/6/14

to: Madison Ziegler

from: Jill Vertez

address: -------------------

Why would Jill send me a package?

"Who is it for?" asked Mom.

"It's for me," I replied.

She nodded, then indicated for me to open it.

"Do you have a box cutter somewhere?" I asked.

Mom pointed to the drawer on her right. I walked over to it, opened it up, and retrieved the box cutter from its place inside the drawer dividers, along with other random items.

I picked up the package and headed up to my room, almost slipping on the staircase because my socks were so fluffy. I sat down on my bed and got comfy. When I was finally ready, I took the sharp blade of the box cutter and slit through the clear packing tape on the brown, cardboard box.

A notebook. A purple, spiral notebook. Why would Jill send me a notebook? I slipped the notebook out of the box and looked at it, a little bit closer. There were a couple scratches on it, a few crumples in the pages. The front cover was bent, indicating that it had been frequently used. I turned the notebook over in my hand, and then realized. Purple was Kendall's favorite color.

Thank you for already 4 reads! I know it's a super tiny amount, but it still means a lot. 1 more read for the next chapter!

~Kat