Bodysnatchers

13

The exam this morning was freaking Keith out more than the others had. It's ridiculous really, since he spent both Saturday and Sunday studying his ass off with Pidge and Matt, and the two of them knew everything Keith didn't, and answered all questions he had. He's prepared. He knows his shit for this one, and yet, as he sits on a bench in the front foyer of the school he has never panicked more, because at least for his other exams he had excuses for being bad, he was brooding and depressed and couldn't concentrate. But this one, if he fucked this one up there were no excuses, he's just dumb at that point. If he fails an exam in the sciences, his best area of study, after revising productively with other smart people, what does that mean for his future? If he isn't good at science then fuck, Keith isn't sure what he'll be able to go back to.

Keith knows deep down that he'll be fine, knows that on top of all that studying he still has all his previous knowledge of Biology stashed away in his brain from before the whole Lance thing.

But acing this test sort of feels like a crutch. If he aces this, he's fine, he's back to being Keith Kogane, and in his mind if he aces this, he can just forget all about how he left his schoolwork to essentially rot in hell over a guy he likes.

Keith thinks it's sort of insane that he's thinking this way about a test, but it's also oddly comforting.

"Oh god, what's the extra X Chromosome one? Fuck," Keith hears a kid from his class ask someone else.

The girl he asked looked panicked for a moment, before shuffling through her notes in hand.

Klinefelter.

"XXY is, uh, Klinefelter Syndrome," The short girl answers. The guy audibly sighs and sputters out multiple words of encouragement for himself, pacing as much as he can in the now crowded area around him.

Keith thinks he should be doing the same.

----------------------

"That was the worst exam of my life," Matt huffs, stretching out his arms and kicking at the pavement.

Keith rubs his neck, and he yawns. He's really fucking tired, and he loves bio but he is so sure that he has failed. He sort of wants to cry.

It never used to be like this- if this exam had come up last term, he'd have aced it with flying colours. Now he isn't so sure.

"I found it okay," Pidge says anxiously. "Question three though-"

"Hell no," Matt says, suddenly. "We aren't discussing your exam progress. I'll jump off a cliff, seriously."

"Fine," Pidge mutters.

"At least it's over and only two exams are left," Keith says.

Both Matt and Pidge nod in agreement.

It kind of just sinks in then that Keith is more or less finished school for the year, aside from the few remaining exams he has left.

It's a calming feeling really, one of the few he's had in a while, that he gets to sort all of his shit out without having to worry about maintaining grades on top of it all.

He's going to have a whole three month break from experience this hell hole every day.

Keith is also much less at risk of running into Lance.

In a way, that's good. It's brilliant. He doesn't have to feel that stab of guilt in his stomach, and he doesn't have to linger on the fact that he has no one to blame but himself. He can forget and begin to move on, slowly. He can pretend that the last few months never happened because across the way there is never the chance of meeting warm blue eyes, and thinking back to kissing when their breath both smelled of smoke. And he isn't reminded of the smooth, soft skin underneath his fingertip as he stroked gently along Lance's hip or his thigh or the small of his back, and he doesn't think about coming undone with Lance's breath hot on his neck.

It's a blessing, kind of. Because Keith wants to forget. He does. If Lance doesn't want Keith, then Keith won't want Lance. He's sick of thinking about Lance, sick of feeling so sad and upset because this was a stupid high school romance and it was never going to last: it was always going to end.

But Keith had hoped to end on a good note at least, a horizon. He'd hoped their parting would come later, when Lance finished his gap year and swanned off on his big college future, and Keith went to some university that he would have a scholarship for. Maybe, so that it'd leave a bright, brand new future for the both of them. He'd thought they'd part on good terms and stay friends, still send good obscure bands to one another or meet up during breaks when they're both back home- something, anything.

Lance wouldn't even look at him the last time he saw him. And the idea of him kissing someone else- it hurts like hell. And Keith wants him back so much that it hurts.

It's a weird thing to think about, the past few months because Keith changed and the person he became wasn't necessarily good at all. He pushed his friends away, he gave in to pressures and if he fails his exam's now then it is entirely his fault.

But for once, he'd felt the sensation of being alive. He'd been so happy. He was alive, and he was free, and when he thinks about driving down the city highway with Lance as the evening caved into night time, and the sky was polluted with bright lights and the car wasn't theirs and they breathed out silver smoke- he gets shivers down his spine, his neck tingles, tickles.

He misses Lance, still.