A Single White Hibiscus (Pearl x Rose)

18. Insomnia

Rustling a storm-ravaged hair with her hand, Pearl awoke in the midst of a pitch-black night, gasping for air like an exposed fish on earth. Her normally sparkling, beautiful eyes had turned into a pair of ghost-seeking eyes, dark circles penetrating deep into her strangely pale cheeks. Sweat had completely soaked her white shirt, and when she turned her eyes to outside, saturated neon lights violently attacked her pupils as she quickly squinted to block off some light. It was too bright.

"What time is it...?"

Pearl looked down for time. 2:04 a.m. Hopeless. Tonight was also going to be a sleepless, lonely night, and she was not going to be able to sleep again. What a waste--she thought in her head, as she hopelessly tried to count the number of melatonin pills she took yesterday.

"And that dream yet again..."

A sigh as deep as her dark circles escaped her mouth, and she gradually gazed upon the city night scape. There was a dull headache bothering her like a background drone coming from a construction site, but she was used to that by now. How many nights like this? She never knew, but the damage was gradually accumulating, and she ever so slightly did not want it anymore.

"Rose..."

That name. That familiar, painful, beautiful, glorious name. Whenever a color pink entered her vision, it reminded her of Rose, who had loved Pearl unconditionally and consistently--at least Pearl thought she did. Always, Rose would tell Pearl stories of herself and treat her like a lover, spending so much time with her. They were always together. 

Last night, she yet again had a dream of Rose. Rose was there, smiling brightly at her, holding her hand, making her many flower crowns on a field full of nameless blooming spring flowers. Pearl smiled the brightest smile of her life whenever she was around Rose. Receiving a flower crown from Rose, Pearl laughed so many times that her cheeks hurt from laughing and tears dangled at her eyes from overflowing happiness. And Pearl returned Rose's favor with a touch of soft kiss, which Rose happily accepted and smiled back. Lots of smiles existed in her dream. DREAM. 

Then, everything shattered. That day's memories returned, overwhelming her all senses, because the dream had been so vivid. Everything being too real, Pearl stood up to save Rose from that day's horrible accident. They had been treading beside a construction site after lunch, and that construction site's security measure was too loose. A dangling iron bar from 800 ft high so easily escaped a rope's grasp from high up above, maybe due to a fierce wind, and ruthlessly fell toward the ground, and when it reached the ground, it penetrated Rose.

A taste of blood still haunted Pearl till this day. Because of that, Pearl had not been able to eat anything anymore from that day. How could one feel a sense, when that sense was contaminated by such a horrid, traumatic experience? Never. 

Living off of liquid substances only, as if to wash away the miserable taste, Pearl lived--or, tried to live--while struggling to accept Rose's death. But she couldn't. And these thoughts manifesting as dreams still followed Pearl around like a faithful dog, never seeming to leave.

So, she gazed out the window at 2:08 a.m. in the morning, thoughts storming inside her mind and loudly screaming at her and pulling her leg. She grasped her hair, screaming "Stop! Stop!" but the voices did not go away. Her breath quickened, and she sweated some more before going back under the sheets in a futile attempt to go back to sleep. However, she stayed awake for an extended period of time, biting off her nails, tears coming back to her dry eyes whenever she thought of Rose and her happy dream. Maybe, Pearl thought,

'Maybe the reason I can't sleep is because I'm afraid of reconstruction and destruction. If I go back to sleep, I'll meet beautiful, vivid, lifelike Rose again, only to lose her. I don't want to lose her anymore..."

And tears streamed down her face as she gently closed her eyes once again.

--

Hello! This piece of writing is inspired by my insomnia. Recently I haven't been able to sleep and been experiencing some very bad headaches...hopefully it'll get better! 

Since there is a Steven Universe special the whole week next week, I can't be in a bad health, you see! Gotta stay healthy for the show, or else my body will break from all the oncoming hype! Haha :-)

And I AM planning a new Pearl and Rose novel. Please stay tuned for that :)