The Dark Sea
I do not know when it started
And I will never know when it will stop.
I am trapped inside of the ocean,
Breathing in sea salt, suffocating,
In the deep water that I have created.
I call it the Dark Sea
Although I never could quite figure
What colour it actually is.
Sometime it is a muddy red
Like fresh blood spread
Through the crime scene
Of my own self.
Some it is a deep dark blue.
Like a tear of the fool
Who does not have a clue
Of what sins she has done.
Most of the time though,
It is grey.
Just grey.
Like my eyes
And my hair
And my heart
And their hope for me.
So I assume, it is grey.
It is grey like my words of apology.
Sometimes there is a visitor.
He does not have a permanent shape.
But he makes my heart beats like a drum,
As his teeth go through my flesh,
Make the scars of trauma become fresh
And the sea water burns deep into my bone.
So I call him Mister Shark.
He is the punishment that I deserve
For having a crippling heart.
Mister Shark takes many shape.
But he loves taking shape of my love ones.
In a blurring figure he walks toward me
With red eyes and distorted smile.
He is very good at imitating their voices,
Their sounds of disappointment
And her screeching of rage.
' Why cannot you be a normal person. Why cannot you be good. Why are you making me sad and angry. Why are you sad and angry. Why are you acting like this. There is something wrong with you.'
And the sirens can be heard from a hundred miles away.
He is also very good at imitating their good side,
Using their voice to say silly things like
'I am so sorry I hurt you again'
Or 'I am so sorry I made you the creature you have become'
And he would embrace me with his white shark teeth
As the sharp knife and the flesh meet
I cry the silence scream of the sufferer,
Puking out nonsense apologies
That unfortunately could not be heard.
Mister Shark never forgives me
Just like how the world will never forgive me
Just like how I will never forgive me.
So to avoid the world I fall deep into the Dark Sea.
I have not reach the bottom of it
yet.
I am scared.
