Ocean Eyes

Raindrops

The rain drops on the window pane fascinated Ryder. She'd always loved the droplets splattering against clear glass, how they'd trickle down. They would consume one another in the process, merging into one as if the opposite of cell mitosis. It reminded her of life- the steady fall, gaining and losing companions as you drip to the unknown.

Her pessimistic musings and metaphors were caused by the reason that had her sitting alone at a diner in Forks. The reason was late. Then again, it's not as if Ryder had expected better manners from her father.

He had called her three times before she'd finally conceded to answer. Jonathan Greene's voice had sounded deeper than expected, with a nervous tremor that could have convinced a more naive person he was actually human. He'd even introduced himself to her and it sounded like a rehearsed line in a corporate play.

She'd wanted to tell him to go stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Even the sound of his voice made Ryder yearn to throw the phone across the room. But she'd had Paul with her earlier in the day, his hand cradling hers and his lips mumbling honorable notions of maturity and closure. "All your life, he's held power over you as a sort of absent god. It's your turn, Ryder- be a goddess, be the bigger deity. Listen to what he has to say, for you'll regret it all your life if you don't. It's not about forgiveness- it's about closure." At first, she had ripped her hand from his, her voice quaking in anger at the thought of her lover taking the side of her tormentor. But it was too easy to forget that Paul too was the child of a beastly man. And as someone who grew up under the iron fist of his father, perhaps he had wished that his was just as absent as Ryder's.

He understood. He counseled her and held her as she cried and murmured words of encouragement into her hair and she was here because of him.

The diner was three quarters empty, with only five patrons in total. Ryder had chosen a seat distant from the rest, a booth near the door. The door that she kept glancing nervously at. Fourteen minutes ago, Jonathan Greene was meant to walk through that door. She'd been waiting impatiently for a half hour before hand, her nerves thrumming throughout her body. In her hands was a napkin, torn to shreds by thin fingers absentmindedly. She'd decided that if he didn't show in ten minutes she would leave, but something rooted her to the spot.

Perhaps, as Paul said, she did yearn for closure. She wanted answers- why did he let her go? Why did he stand by and watch as his lover and child slid down a tunnel of despair? He must have known about Caroline's drug addiction- he had been the catalyst. How could a man sit by and watch from the sidelines as the woman he had once loved, who gave up everything for him, slowly killed herself? As his first born child grew in filth and pain?

He was an evil man- one who cared little for anyone but himself. He left them to die in favor of his career and capital. His luxuries. At least, that is what Ryder had determined. Today, at the very least, she would be able to tell him that to his face.

The bells attached to the diner door jingled to mark  its opening and Ryder's head snapped up. A sharp sigh of annoyance left her lips as she realized it was only an elderly couple leaving the diner. Anger flowed through her veins as she evaluated her position. How pathetic was it, to sit and wait for a man who ruined your life? To come at his beck and call?

With a huff, Ryder grabbed her keys, moving to slide out of the cracked vinyl booth when she saw him. He had slipped in whilst the couple left and now stood near the front, eyes on her.

Jonathan Greene was tall, nearly 6'4, with a lawyers disposition. He wore pressed khakis and a collared shirt under a pullover meant for the outdoors but most likely had never seen the sun. His black hair was groomed close to his head, highlighting his rakish features and blue eyes fixed upon his daughter.

Ryder pursed her lips, setting her keys back down and allowing the hatred of him to settle over her like a cloud. His outfit probably cost more than her months budget for groceries. A shiny Rolex was clipped on his left wrist and her revulsion grew. While she raided Salvation Army drop boxes for her clothes, he comfortably sported a $30,000 watch.

"Ryder, hi." His voice cracked slightly as he made his way over. She made no move to stand, instead eyeing the man with contempt. He was nervous, that much was obvious. A pained smile decorated his thin lips and perspiration pooled at his forehead.  She hated that he was nervous too. "It's, uh, good to meet you."

He extended a hand, as if for her to shake it. She raised a brow. "We have met. I believe the last time we saw each other was when you watched my mother leave and did nothing to stop us."

Jonathan winced. He'd expected this from his daughter. He'd known that if she was anything like Caroline, she would be fierce. He didn't expect, however, to see himself in her. Their sea colored eyes matched perfectly. Her jaw was curved just as his, and her nose exactly like his mothers had been. It unnerved him.

"Right, uh, can I sit?"

Ryder didn't say anything but motioned sarcastically to the bench across the table from her. He sat quickly, avoiding her eyes while he propped his black umbrella against the booths side. When he did look back at her, she was watching him with shrewd eyes, lips curled downwards ever so slightly.

"You're late."

"Yes, I'm sorry about that." Jonathan winced. "The traffic from Seattle was horrendous. Have you been waiting long?"

"Yes."

The conversation stalled as an older waitress approached the pair, taking their orders seemingly undeterred by the cool atmosphere between the two. Once she had bustled away, Ryder turned back to her father, sharp eyes traveling over her father. His hands were clasped nervously in front of him as his eyes flittered all over her.

"It's, uh, it's good to see you."

"We said the fake greetings already." Ryder glared at him, her teeth grinding with contempt. "Why have you been harassing my mother to try and see me, sixteen years after you waved and shut the door behind us?"

Jonathan sighed uncomfortably, unnerved by the hatred in his daughters eyes. It clung to his heart like a vice, guilt squeezing him every time he met her eyes. He had been so stupid then, making that choice between his family and his job. What he'd had with Caroline was a once and a life time thing and he'd failed her and their daughter tremendously.

"I wanted to apologize-"

Something broke inside her at those words. Paul had told her to try. He'd encouraged her to at least listen to Jonathan. But she couldn't. Ryder prided herself on being a strong person but something about staring at this affluent man who says he was her father, after she'd had a childhood of poverty and strife- she could not take his empty apologies.

"Oh save it." Ryder snapped, standing abruptly. Rage filled her body in a tidal wave of emotion, centered on her father. "I learned to walk while I lived in a homeless shelter. I taught myself to read as my mother shot up heroine. I slept in the closet of a drug dealers condo. I once dislocated my arm and had to set it myself because we had no self insurance- when I was nine! I've raised two children while my mother, the woman you ruined, drugged herself to oblivion. I've been beaten, raped, humiliated and degraded, all because YOU decided that I wasn't good enough for your image. You don't get to apologize. You don't get to come back into my life."

"Ryder, please-" Jonathan stood and grasped her arm as she tried to flee. Hands tightly fisted, Ryder whirled around, her face an image of rage. "Please baby. I'm divorced now and I- I want to be there for you, to be your dad."

"You're 16 years too late to be my father." Ryder wrenched her arm from his grasp, eyes brimming with tears. "You can't apologize away what I went through. Don't try. Just get the fuck out of my life again!"

The raindrops on her windshield were less enamoring now.They would consume one another in the process, merging into one as if the opposite of cell mitosis. It reminded her of life- the steady fall, gaining and losing companions as you drip to the unknown. Some people devoured one another- took their life, their spirit to benefit themselves.

He'd stolen her mother, her childhood from her. Ryder would never forget that. He taught her how the world worked. What happened to those who loved.