It's my life

Update on situation !IMPORTANT!

Ok so in my last update I was telling you about my depressed state I'm in and I'm so sorry y'all but I think it's getting worse.My comments on some books my seem happy most of the time but that's just a distraction.

My thoughts have been leaning alot more on the bad side and it's really putting me in a fragile state.I don't want to draw,write or watch any movies which is rare.I mostly sleep until 1 pm in the afternoon.Only eat one mean a day and the rest of tje day I read fanfictions to stop my mind from thinkings things other than the words I'm reading.

I'm visiting my dad so sometimes I have to be with my 3 year old sister.I'm either really kind towards her since she's a fragile little snowflake or really rude and demanding towards her to which I feel terrible afterwards.

I also have a little baby brother.He's about 8 months old now and was born early so he has alot of problems.I'm usually too scared to even pick him up.But enough about my family your probably here for me to explain why I'm still struggling in writting my things and drawing the art for my art book.

Well the other day something really REALLY bad happened between me and my mom and she said some harsh things.My mom doesn't like the idea of me having depression so she doesn't want me going to that place I was talking about last time.

The threatened to use the police against my dad if I go without her permission.My dad is looking if he can take me without her permission tomorrow.I wish I could go into more detail so you could fully understand the situation but it's hard to write something so emotional to me and to be honest I have a terrible memory so I can remember what happened but everything is a blur.

I can only remember the concept of a situation and the main idea of what happened.It's hard to explain but I really should get my memory checked out It's much more severe than anyone I've ever met.

Now I'm nit trying to put the spotlight on me and I know people out there have worse lives than me but goddammit there will always be a worse and that doesn't mean the less worse ones doesn't matter!But it doesn't look like my mon seems to understand that.

But not only is it my emotional state and lack of motivation that's preventing me from doing my work it's also sone physical things

For exaple I know this is disgusting of me to say but I'm on my period and as the females know that shits messy.

Also even though I'm sleeping 15 hours a day I still feel tired for the rest of the day and have to survive off of coffee to keep me awake.I'm not even doing much and I'm this tired.All I'm doing is sitting on my favourite couch all day and readng fanfictions.

And lastly is my appetite which is weird.Everything tastes bad and I'm never hungry.I'm actually the tipe of person that eats ALOT but now I basically just eat a sandwich a day and that's it.Everything tastes horrible and when I eat my stommach hurts like the devil himself.

Everything is shit and only my phone,coffee,sleep nad my confy couch is what keeps me going.I honestly would sleep the whole day if my stepmom and dad (and little sis) doesn't wake me up.

My brian is like a blackhole for depressing thoughts and memories and I can't seem to stop it.

I'm sorry for complaining so much and I probably sound like the most ungrateful person in the world that just whines about her problems but Wattpad is the only place I can talk about this stuff.Though oneof my friends are on this so I can in anyway not go into personal detail.

That and one special person (also on Wattpad) is the person I can talk to and share my deepest darkest thoughts.Though I would tell you who but I'm not sure if they (not giving you any clues so I keep the gender a secret) would be okay with this I'd have to find out.

But anyway this thing is long enough so I'll end it here.Stay safe and hope you guys stay happy