the beauty of everything

enochlophobia

I don't like crowds.

And I'm tired of pushing through one all to get ripped up in the process

All of them,
they're all vying for your attention.

Getting pushed,
back,
forth.
back,
forth.

I like the back.
The back people are always the ones who stay longer.

Because while everyone in front is getting their tastes of you,
the backs are the ones waiting.
Letting the craving of your tasteful personality strengthen them with need and want.

So I'll wait,
patiently,
even though I have no idea what I'm waiting for.

I haven't decided. 

But while everyone else is getting their spoonful of you,
I'll be the only one expecting nothing.
Nothing but a smile,
maybe a wave to let me know you're okay.

I'll leave and be drawn in the next day,
lurking around,
waiting to be refreshed of I don't know what.

But soon there won't be a back.
it will have turned into the front and I'll be there with a shoulder for you to cry on because,
No one else is here.
they all made room with their absence.

Leaving me space to think of what I need because before?
I couldn't.
Before?

My head was suffocating with thoughts,
stemming from a murderer,
who bites off more than they can chew,
you?

You are the author of everything in my head,
creating pathways and tunnels of possibilities,
let downs.

You made me believe that if I just waited,
waited it out.

That the award,
being you.

Would be three times as better as the ones who didn't wait.

And that was it,
that's what got me.

And that's why I'm standing in this empty room, crowd less.

That's where I realized,
where I realized why I stayed so long.
Why I ignored the impeding strangling and the pathways of hell.

It was you.

I'm willing to forget everything and put it in the back of MY own crowd,
the crowd collected of my thoughts,
in sake of you.

But if for some reason people collect back up,
and I'm pushed to the place I'm safest.

I'm not gonna wait anymore.
because like I said before,

I don't like crowds.

- jonimajer on tumblr