Focus (Asa Butterfield)

25

!!TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF SUICIDE BELOW. STOP READING IF THIS AFFECTS YOU!!

I couldn't sleep that night. I just had moved to a new city, started an acting school, met Asa, and here I am- someone who had killed her ex-boyfriend and is running away from the police with her new friend who helped her hide the body. If the police go through the phone, they're going to find our text messages and I'll be the first suspect waiting to be questioned. What if the police didn't believe me? But I wasn't worried at all about myself as much as I was worried about Asa. What was going to happen to him? I crept out of bed so I wouldn't wake him and went out in the balcony of our hotel. I stepped on the railings and looked down. We were 8 stories high and it was a long way down. A thought ran across my mind, telling me to jump, because that is the only option left for me. A voice in my head was telling me to say my goodbyes to Asa and do it while he was still sleeping so he wouldn't be able to stop me. Tears started running down my face at the thought of not seeing him again, but the voice in my head kept telling me to take the three steps and jump off, hands wide by my sides, and eyes closed. 

If I jump right now, everything will be fine. All of this will be over. Asa won't have to worry about me anymore and he can continue living a normal life without me. Even if they do catch me, I'd be long dead, and the mystery and the hype will be over. Everyone will move on and he will find another girl who loves him just as much as me who hasn't killed anyone-but Asa with another girl? I can't imagine that. Who will care for him as much as I do? I know I don't show it all the time, but I mean, he should know by now that I do, right? 

A sudden wind blows in my face. I turn back to Asa and saw that he was still sleeping. He looked so pure and peaceful. His hair was a mess, but it was cute. He almost looked as if he was dreaming about something. I smiled. I stop for a second and take a step down. Asa had helped me move a body into a bag and in the harbor. He was the one who dropped literally everything for me and ran away with me when he didn't even have to- and for me to thank him by killing myself? Leaving him in pain, alone in a city he doesn't even know very well. What will he tell the ambulance? What if they blame him for it? Why shouldn't I just go to the police and confess? Cuz I'm young, dumb, and scared- We were young, dumb and scared. This state, honestly, is better for us than me taking my life and leaving Asa hanging by himself. I quickly took another step down and slowly closed the balcony door, going back inside. I slipped back into bed and Asa woke up.

"Maya? Are you okay?" He said sleepily.

"Yeah, I was just-looking for something." I turned the other way and fell asleep.