Breaks

Is this love?

Feeling regret?

No

Happy for what you did?

No

Wanting to die?

More than ever.

It's like I never existed, Jay hasn't spoken a word to me in days. I sit there covered in blood thinking what have I done wrong. Unable to cry is the worst parts of my days.

I watch people walking by room and pointing and gasping at me, I never understood. Jay seemed to be gone out of my life forever.

New people come in giving me shots, there's piles of trays with uneaten food on them. I haven't seemed to move in days. I don't ever sleep now, I've lost the will to do anything anymore.

Nancy's been coming by talking to me often, it's nice to have her around. It'd be better to have Jay around though.

I look at the door seeing many eyes, it's been like that for more than four days. I see people moving in opposite directions. I see someone yelling at them all and pushing them away. I didn't recognize them so I went back to starring at my knees. The door bursts open but I don't bother to turn. just another disappointment waiting to happen.

"Alek?" Their voice sounded weary, very tired and shaky. I didn't know who. I shook my head at them, I heard them chuckle. "Listen I'm sorry please just stop this," i look up to see Jay. I back up to the wall starring at him, why would he want to come now? He's already hurt me so much. He sighed, "I came to see you, the least you can do is say something," he begged me. My heart began to shake with anger, "why would you want to, don't you hate me?" My voice was full of anger, he noticed and tried not to yell at my confusion.

"You really don't understand do you? They said that you were doing better enough that you could leave eventually unlike they planned, so they let me go. Notice just got back to me today that you were back into all this crazy shit! I would of came sooner if I knew..." He had tears streaming down his red face and I couldn't do anything but stare at him.

"Don't you see now that you're back like this, you're probably never going to leave this correctional center, you're a broken toy Alek. Why did you do this?" I stared at him for a moment, "cause it's all I can do without you," I whispered.

He walked over to me helping me stand, "Alek, I don't know if you're going to have to stay here till death or not, or even if they're going to let me back in to help, I want to help you, I care so much about you." He placed his hands on my shoulders and pulled me into a hug.

It felt nice to be hugged by him, and for the longest time in forever, I cried, "I'm sorry Jay, I'm so sorry," my voice was soft and slow. I hated making him upset, it's something I never intended to do.

I let go of him, "Alek if this is going to happen again if I leave I don't know if they'll let me back in. I'm going to go talk to them and see if I could help you, is that alright with you?" I nodded with tears still streaming down my face.

He left the room and I was alone again standing under the pale flickering light. I didn't want anyone else but him to help me, i would have no purpose to stay if he left me. I was so tired but still not hungry. I didn't want anything more in the world than to be in his arms, i wouldn't be able to stand another day if I hurt him in anyway.

He comes back in the room holding papers, "they said I could as long as you wanted me to." He gave me a light smile, "you can always meet new people you know?" I just smiled at him, "I know, but I rather stick to the ones I know," I looked up at him and he was smiling but it soon faded. "Alek, I don't want anything to be different between us..." he was looking right into my eyes now. "I don't want them to change either."

I signed the papers quickly were he told me to and he soon left to hand them back in. As soon as he left I thought about how I'm really not good enough for him. I wish I was a normal person so he could have a normal life. I would do anything for him honestly, except leave him. Since he came I had feelings like no other before. What some people can do to your minds.

He comes back in grinning slightly, "so what can I do to help?" He's so blunt and adorable. "By not leaving me again," I smirked at him as I placed my hands on his neck and kissed him. He smiled and placed his hands on mine, "I would never, you're my story with no end Alek." I blushed slightly resting my forehead on his. He laughed softly before kissing me again. I never knew what it was like.

This feeling...

Is this love?

I wouldn't know

Does he love me?

That's to find out

Why is love so complicated?

No one knows