Breaks

Start over

The room was filled with smoke. I cant breath or see. What happened? I turn and see Jay fast asleep. I punch him screaming at him to wake up. He shoots straight out of bed and pulls me out of the burning house.

We hear sirens coming our way as we stand outside in the bitter cool air watching our house fall to pieces. I look at Jay and he has an expressionless face.

I look around at all the people that were standing around watching the men spray our house down with gallons of water. I sigh and rest my head on jays shoulder wrapping the blanket around me tighter.

Nancy comes up behind me and rests her hand on my shoulder starring at the house of smoke. It's not really fair being the oldest and your sister is the same hight as you.

Jay smiles over at her and the house sits there surrounded in smoke, ashes, and watery prices of wood. Jay sighs, "I guess were just gonna have to start over." I smile over at Nancy and she smiles weakly at me. The men come up to Jay, I guess he's just more welcoming than me.

"The house is honestly unable to move back into until it's repaired. Do you know how this happened?" The firman asked Jay, Jay shook his head and looked over at me, how could we know.

There's nothing to start over with except each other. Nancy hugs me tight even though I couldn't see her face I know she was smiling at Jay.

All the people left the scene now. It's just me and Jay. "So shall we go?" Jay held out his hand to me, "Where?" "To Nancy's where else?" He smiled a big goofy smile as if nothing happened. Something did though. I lost something important to me. A home that I could isolate myself away from people and let some in right through that door.

Now I'm having to go back to my mothers hell hole she raised me in where my insanity all started! "What's wrong?" I look up at Jay and his face was full of worry. I shook my head and smiled at him as he wraps his arm around me as we get into the car with Nancy driving.

I really don't want to start over where it all began. The same pains will always come back making me want to cut myself again. Just the thought of it was intriguing to do.

I stare out the window watching all the memorable streets signs from when I was younger. I take in as we turn on the street leading to my old house. I can still remember the smell of ash and liquor filling the air. It was suffocating every time you would walk in. Who would want to start over from their past? Jay thinks I do, but I never have and I never wanted to, I don't want to fall back into the same habits as before.

Jay squeezes my hand lightly as we pull to a stop in the driveway. The house looked nicer than when i was growing up, but I knew the smell would be the same, cause my mother looked just the same the day I saw her at the hospital. She had bags under her eyes, red splotchy eyes, pale wrinkled skin, she was although very skinny. Her hair also looked like it was washed recently.

Before I knew it we were already at the door and Nancy was already knocking and looking back at me smiling. Jay had his arms wrapped around my waist and his chin rested on my shoulder.

My mom swing open the door and smiled at Nancy, "Nicole, I told you you didn't have to knock when you come home." Her eyes faded from happiness to disappointment when her eyes locked on me. When she noticed Jay she gave him a small smile. She motioned us in and closed the door behind us. I was right, the smell of the house has certainly has not changed, nor the fact the house looked like animals roamed even though she never had any.

I've certainly been through hell as a child. We sat in the living room while Nancy went on with a story. My mother wouldn't stop looking between Jay and me with just an expressionless look on her face. Jay didn't seem to notice but I did, why was she always judging me? I guess I'm not perfect to her expectations..