Do you understand

Lost?

The person you see and the person I really am are different. I don't mean to be fake but everything seems a lot less complicated when I'm the me that everybody knows. I wish I could show you who I am inside but after years of acting like the fun carefree person I am perceived by everyone to be, it just comes natural. Does this mean I've changed? That I have lost myself overtime? The person that i believe I am inside is no longer existent! I'm good at pretending, faking a smile, forcing a laugh, pretending everything is ok, but it's not! I laugh a lot and most of the time it is genuine but sometimes it's just a substitute for crying because I can't allow myself to show my weakness. I try too hard to impress people, I act how I think people want me to act, I make myself look better at the expense of other people and I hate myself every day for it, yet I continue to do so. I'm quite popular and socially accepted, but if I hadn't decided to change would I be where I am now? Would I be better off or would I have suffered? My true personality is screaming to get out, however it's failing miserably. I have few fears and one that terrifies me is that I have lost my true self? Is the mask I have been wearing most of my life become part of me? Am I now the person everyone believes me to be? I don't know, I'm lost!