Poetry by Joey

I'm Ok

Don't ask if I'm ok

You wouldn't bother anyway

I can't find the right words to say

Just like any other day

I tell myself that I should run

Every day I tell myself a lie

The knot is coming undone

It’s a very tragic way to die

I tell myself to stay strong

I say that every day

I try to just hold on

But my grip is slipping today

Inside it feels like I'm dying

And i'm just sitting here crying

Until someone can try to save me

Please, someone care for me maybe

I need to know what it feels like to love

I am that kid that wants to give up

I fake the smile on my face

But you can't tell because I act like I'm ok

They twist my words against me

They tell me it’s what I say

Why can’t they just let me be?

So I can try to act ok

And they can touch my body

They can do what they may

They'll blame me for acting naughty

They'll kill me as I lay

I joke like I'm not dying

But I feel so alone each day

I wipe the tears from crying

I wipe them every single day

I tell them I want to see

But the damage is already done

I just want to come clean

But the words stick right on the tip of my tongue

So help me

Please love me

I breathe air into my lungs

The last breath I'll ever take

I pull out the gun

And say 'I'm better off this way'

Here’s the secret of the day:

I’m not ok

I leave them a small note

Tell them that I am M.I.A.

I pick up what’s left of broken pieces

After all, I am still ok

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Author's Note: I started thinking about the lines to this poem (It was a song that I wrote in poetic form, so I don't know what to call this to be honest) on a spring day, in early 2013. This is like my most personal poem I have ever written, and although it probably sounds cocky to say this, I love this poem so much. It both closed and opened a dark time in my life, and I think it's extremely important.

Whenever someone is suicidal, or at least for me, they fear this question the most: "Are you okay?". That question terrifies me so much because I get anxious if I really am better than I was before, or if I just made myself believe I was ok when really, I wasn't.

Whenever I am asked this question, my heart immediately sinks and I need to think about if I'm actually happy or just want myself to believe I am. I always get super depressed after being asked the question, and I tend to come and read this to make myself feel something, because this makes me feel somethign new every time I read it.

I was hesitant in posting this because of the connection I feel towards this poem in particular, but I think it can really help other people who feel/felt this way. To answer a question I feel like is going to be asked, the 'they' I refer to in the poem is anything harmful, whether it be people, razors, pills, etc.

Have a nice day :)