No Turning Back

Confession

CARL’S POV:

People looked over to the right side of the windows of the bus, seeing the familiar building in front of them. It looked small enough not to cause any attention at times. It had a fortress and everything. I saw two people on opposite sides looking like a parking lot keeping watch, holding big guns.

‘’Perimeter Mall, huh?’’

‘’This is where you guys will be staying for now. It’s the only place that hasn’t been ransacked, we’ve been staying here since almost the beginning. We have a system inside so you better follow it without question. Got it?’’

All of us nodded with no hesitation while Angella nodded as a reply looking back to the road.

I hope that means we get to relax at least a minute. It’s been one long fucking day and seeing people eating each other almost made me faint. After what I did…leaving him behind like that. God, what would the others think? I can’t hide this forever.

Then I felt something tap my shoulder. It was Christen. She seemed to look apologetic. ‘’I acted like a complete idiot to you. I didn’t get a chance to say thank you for saving our asses back there in the school. Both you and Darylle.’’

Was she really apologizing? Thanking me?

‘’There’s one ass I didn’t save and you know that.’’ As I said so, Christen scooted beside me. ‘’You did your best trying to protect Clarence. I know you did all you could.’’

The more she kept talking about him, the more the guilt kept growing on my chest. How are you supposed to tell your best friend that you killed a guy?

I was in the heat of the moment. All I could think of is all of the stupid things he did to risk our lives ahead but I didn’t get to realize he was just a kid. Like all of us. And I caused that. His blood was on my hands. Something this heavy can’t be hidden forever, and for now at least one person knows and that’s enough for me to keep it from the rest. And I trust her.

While Christen was talking, I thought I should just end it with a confession.

‘’I…I killed Clarence.’’ I whispered. In the next minute, I couldn’t hear her voice anymore. I was afraid to face her.

CHRISTEN’S POV:

‘’I…I killed Clarence.’’

I seized to yak for a second to rehear what he said.

My face showing sympathy for him was instantly gone. I now looked at him like he was a monster. I was honestly scared of him now.

‘’H-How…’’ I tried to finish my question but I was too overwhelmed over what I heard.

‘’Back in the laboratory after the explosion incident, it was just me and him. We were supposed to go, but I left him behind to be devoured by the walkers while no one was looking. The look on his face…It gave me chills. As I tried to go back and repay my mistake, it was already too late.’’

‘’These are people. Innocent people. He was a complete asshole but that doesn’t give you the right to kill him.’’ I protested.

‘’I’m sorry. T-That’s all I could say.’’ Carl was still looking down, most probably guilty for his mistake. Does he really think that’s going to work on me? He killed someone!

‘’If Angella finds out, she’ll leave me behind.’’

‘’We’ll just have to see.’’ I mumbled. I can’t face him right now. I’m gonna have to tell Angella one way or another. All of them deserved to know.

Angella stopped the vehicle in front of the toll in the mall which was also guarded. They pointed our guns to the front, and so did Darylle. Angella peeked her head out of the broken glass window beside her and waved. ‘’Guys, it’s me. Open the gates!’’

 The guards lowered their guns shaking their head and opening up the toll for us to enter.

The bus moves towards the parking lot but it wasn’t exactly a formal parking. She turns off the bus’s engine exits down and leads everyone outside to one of the entrances. Now it was just me and Carl in the bus.

‘’Guys, follow me and only me. I’ll show you where you can clean up. Christen, come with me.’’ As I go forward like she says, he grabs my shoulder to face him. ‘’Can we talk, please?’’

‘’What’s there to talk about?’’ I gritted out, pulling my shoulders away from his hand and walked forward to meet with Angella. I knew he was going to either make an excuse or apologize but I wasn’t ready to hear it yet.

I hopped my way out of the bus to see Angella waiting for me at the entrance. I walked with her inside, and it looked like what we experienced out there never happened. It wasn’t very luxurious, but we have a roof anyway. We passed some abandoned restaurants which I saw people gather some of it.

‘’Where are the others?’’

‘’They’re being lead by our people. Getting them cleaned up, clothes and gun training. Everyone has to be prepared.

‘’You looked pretty pissed at Carl. What the hell happened?’’ She asked me.

 ‘’He just did some really stupid things back when we were trying to escape.’’

‘’You know you can talk to me right? Just tell me what he told you.’’ Now I’m asking myself. Should I tell her about it or not?

‘’When we were finding a way out to the school, we got stuck in the laboratory for meds. Then a small herd of walkers came in, and…Carl ended up killing Clarence. Him being a liability and all. Now he’s afraid you’re gonna kick him out.’’

Angella sighs. ‘’Clarence, you asshole…’’ She grunted from her breath. She wasn’t even shocked about the fact that Carl killed. ‘’You’re not even going to mention that Carl murdered someone? Are you just going to be like Billy and NJ?’’

‘’He did the right thing.’’ She sighed.

As I heard those five words, I stopped dead in my tracks. Angella notices this and turns back to see me not following her. ‘’What?’’ I hissed at her.

‘’Doing the right thing, are you fucking serious? What if he killed someone else?! He's dangerous, Angella.’’

‘’If Clarence wasn’t put down all of you would have died. And I know you’re smart enough to realize that. It may not be the best decision, but it is something. We have to focus on ourselves here. Face it, Christen.  The world has ended and now we have to start a new life.’’

Both of us stared at each other for a while. What does she mean starting a new life? All we know and love is gone?

‘’Come on. You need to change. I know the perfect store for you. Training will begin this afternoon so we better hurry.’’ She smirked.

I may be pissed at two people at the moment, but I could really use some new clothes and a bath right now.