The Immortal Diaries

Lightning

It's been four years since we last updated on this. I've been feeling weirdly sentimental today so I decided to look for this account. As I read through our past entries, I realized how much I took things for granted, the simplest things such as doing stupid dares with each other, the unrequited feelings and all the mundane things-- it was all part of the process of growing up.

When I last updated here, I was an incoming fourth year high school student worrying about college. I worried about surviving college, about making new friends and adapting to new environments where familiarity is gone. Now, I'm a fourth year college student worrying about my thesis next year and graduating and taking the board exams and adult things that I've never spared so much of a thought four years ago. 

I had high hopes about college. I thought it was supposed to be this massive change in my life, supposed to be where I find my self, my purpose and everything. I guess putting so much expectations on something is bound to let you down in the end. When I started to attend to my university, I was scared but unlike what I was worried about before, I surprisingly adapted fast. I made new friends and made new memories with new people. Familiarity became an old friend. I realized there's nothing wrong with change so I went with the flow and allowed the current to wash me off wherever.

As years went by of waiting and trying to find my self, I found myself finding nothing. Four years went by and still, nothing. I don't know if that moment is going to come or if what I am now  is really me and there's nothing else to change. I don't know. There's still a tiny light of hope inside of me that's still waiting. But even if that's my situation right now, I'm still at peace with myself. I am at peace with the fact that I don't know who I am yet. I'm no longer as affected of what others think of me as I was before. It's funny how I found the idea of being alone so scary before and now, here I am, watching movies, eating at restaurants and doing most of the things alone. Anyway, don't mind this paragraph. It's almost 1 am, and I'm just trying to clear my mind.

Teenage 'heartbreaks' really ain't pretty, aren't they? I can't believe I was so hung up on Milo and even wrote songs and stories about him. Christ, there were more things to worry about other than him not liking me back. Like I said, it's all part of the process and I'm glad I went through it. I wish Milo the best in life! Hahaha.

So much has changed but some things are still the same. We're still the same group of friends, but time wore our childish acts down. Our daily interactions became rare monthly gatherings of playing Uno and cooking our own food. The stupid dares became memories that we cringe and laugh about. The weird mixes of beverages that tasted like alcohol and pretending to take a shot became actual alcohol. 

I rarely express my gratitude but I'm glad that I experienced all of this with them. 

Here's to growing up.

-Lightning