mona lisa | zayn malik x ella mai

Mona Lisa | Gloomy

Mona Lisa | Gloomy

Nurah had practically stayed in her room all day. Door closed, lights off, and pulled the curtains over her windows so no sun rays would enter her room. She was wrapped up in the covers like a burrito. Not wanting to move from her comfortable position for anything. It was about one o'clock in the afternoon and she still hasn't gotten up to do anything today. Ever since she came back from Zayn's apartment she has been locked up in this dark room. She just laid there. All up in her thoughts and getting into her feelings.

She hated that she was feeling this way all over again. This was one of the main reasons she moved to Italy, and that was to get away from the toxic environment she used to be living in. When she told Zayn that she wanted to restart her life all over she really meant that. Now it seems like her past was coming to haunt her and she didn't want that to happen again. She tried to not think about the bad stuff. Nurah was really trying to become a more positive person and learn how to cherish her life again.

There were reasons why she was feeling this way and you wouldn't blame her once you found out why. You see, Nurah believed that love wasn't just meant for her, simple as that. There has been a lot of bumps in the road and that has shaped her into the woman that she is today, and it wasn't necessarily healthy for her mentally or emotionally. She just truly believes that no one could love her. Even coming to a conclusion that maybe she didn't have a soulmate out there. So all this hurt and this pain has made her this way.

In the last few years of her life she has been cheated on, lied to, and manipulated countless times by guys who weren't good for her. Looking backing on it now it makes her even more depressed because she wished that she wasn't so naive. All these boys wanted was to get in between her legs and that's it. Back then she was the most confident girl you would have ever seen. She was proud of herself and had goals like a queen she once was. But all it took was for some bum ass niggas to tip her crown over.

That's why she's so insecure of herself to this day. She became more closed off and was sure not to let any boy play her the way the others did. Deep down, Nurah was a girl who was broken and very sensitive behind the cute smile she wore on her face. That was all a mask and so far, nobody has even noticed that she is faking through all the pain that she has in her body. She wanted to escape it all and pretend like it didn't happen. But it seems like the past was here to repeat itself, but with Zayn.

A big reason why Nurah left Zayn's place is because she was scared. She was generally scared that she was going to end up hurt, again. Not only did he make her feel a type of way, but he was able to be her feel vulnerable, and she hated that. She didn't want to get vulnerable because that is what got her heart broken in the first place. Nurah swore to herself that she was done looking for love, but Zayn made her feeling so alive. It was sad how easily he could have her melting by just a certain look or a delicate touch. And she was also conflicted because she didn't know what he wanted from her.

With all the strength she had left in her heart, she refuses to get her heartbroken again. Nurah had built her walls up again and she would be damned if somebody tore them down. If she got romantically involved with Zayn she knew that somebody was going to get their feeling hurt, and that somebody was always going to be her. She couldn't handle the pain anymore and she didn't want to go through that cycle again, so she wanted to avoid it at all costs.

Interrupting her thoughts, her phone started to obnoxiously ring. She lifted her head up from the pillow to see the caller ID read 'Zayn' with three blue heart emojis by it. Nurah laid her head down and just allowed it to go straight to voicemail. Not even bothering to answer because she wasn't in the most stablest state right now.

"Get your shit together," she murmured to herself closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in. "It'll be okay. P-Please don't cry."

Tears fell from out of her eyes, and she hated that she was getting like this. She was an emotional mess. All she wanted was to push away all the pain and try to live a good life on her own. She had a small spot for Zayn in her heart but she didn't know if his intentions were pure or not. It was too soon to tell and she just met the guy not too long ago. Things were just moving way too fast. And just maybe she needed to distance herself away from him and take time to get her life together again.

-

so like , this is pretty much nurah's emotional / mental state right now . i hope the message was clear enough for y'all to understand her life & her pain .

vote/comment
- BookOfBandz