Dreams Of A Failure

Temptation

No one understands, or at least that's how it feels. How could someone on the outside possibly understand? It's almost impossible. I wish there was a way to make them understand, that's all I want. I tried to ask God about it, that's what my mother told me to do when I'm unsure about something, but it didn't work.
Why, you ask?
Simple: I am almost certain I'm in love with my best friend. That typically wouldn't be an issue besides the undeniable fact that I'm a girl and yes, so is she. What do I do? I feel torn right down the middle between who I'm not and who I'm not supposed to be. It's an impossible situation I'm eternally caught in. I can't tell her, she would tell the whole school, and my parents would find out and they'd send me away to some Jesus camp to have me fixed. What is there to fix? This is what I wish they would understand. I'm not a toy, nor am I a machine. They can't fix me because I am simply not broken. I just so happen to feel a way that they can't possibly understand, and somehow that makes me less than they are. It's terrifying and ridiculous, the whole situation. I'm stuck.
Always was and always will be.
I just want out of this prison my mind has built for me. I'm always just out of reach from her. She has been so close before, I almost thought she would feel the same, but of course that was foolish of me. A minute later she was crying into my arms about her new boy toy Sebastian. Of course the most gorgeous man anyone has ever seen, even I can admit that. Most people say they're perfect for each other. It makes my eyes sting with the tears bound to flow at any given moment.
They're not perfect for each other.
They're simply not.
I've seen the way he looks at other girls when she's not around. I would never do that to her. She deserves the world and he could only give her disaster.
If only things were different. If only she wasn't in love with some stupid boy maybe I could convince her to love me, but I know that's not how it works.
She is temptation and I am addiction.
Corrupt.
Flawed.
Failed.
I have to face the truth that we were bound to implode before I even said her name:
Irene.