Dreams Of A Failure

Flares

The total amount of fear that I felt when we first touched was impressive. I felt the ground move beneath my feet and suddenly I was falling. The place we once laid turned to petals surrounding me, filling my nose with the scent of roses. How ironic. You were always the one I was meant to find. It feels like nothing has ever made so much sense in my life. I feel a million years older, yet as young as a baby. You make me feel infinite and impossible.

She was breathtaking when I first saw her, but now staring into her burning eyes I feel the way I did when I first saw the sun. Blinded. How could someone be so perfect without even trying? It's so unfair. She made me fall flat on my face and I was so embarrassed to even speak to her. But she spoke to me first. She introduced herself as the new girl, "Hey my name's Rose, what's yours?" But of course I already knew her name. I stumbled out a stupid sounding, "Gen." and smiled awkwardly as her lips formed up into the most perfect smile I've ever seen. God, im so gay. And she's so pretty.

I barely feel the remnants of Irene's hatred toward me when I look at Rose. it feels so dumb that I was ever heart by her. How stupid I was to even pretend she would love me. I should've waited for my time, for the most perfect girl I've ever met.

Soon, so soon, we spoke everyday, and nothing mattered except her words. She surrounded me constantly and I absolutely loved it. I couldn't help but think, "Yes, this is what I need. This is what I've always needed."

We hung out on the weekends, and studied together after school all the time. But we never got any work done because she would light up my heart and I couldn't stop laughing. And then it happened. That fateful question. "So I heard you're gay." It was more like a statement, but I knew what it meant underneath. She wanted to know if I was going to hit on her. She didn't want me either.

I panicked and stopped breathing, caught in her gaze as my eyes zoomed in on her pupils. I couldn't see anything except her eyes. She quickly apologized and said, "I'm so sorry I didn't mean it as a bad thing, I was just wondering because, well, I think I may be gay too." I snapped back to reality and frowned, confused. "What?" I asked stupidly. God, I'm so stupid.

"It's just, I don't know. Please don't take this the wrong way. I want to keep what we have. I love being friends with you.I've never met someone that gets me as much as you do. But I think I may like you more than that and I... kinda want to ... kiss you," she whispered.

I was in shock, to say the least. I froze up and she thought i was rejecting her. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side so she couldn't see me, but I could see her perfectly. And the way the light was bouncing off her cheekbones gave her skin the warmest color. I reached out to touch it. I wanted to be warm too. Suddenly, I registered what she said and I realized she had let a tear fall from her eyes.

Unpracticed and awkwardly I lunged forward, and my lips met hers, slightly open and sad. Hre eyes burst open as mine did. We stared at each other as our lips sat silently. And we sat there for a minute, until her eyes slowly shut, and I let mine do the same. I touched the warmth on her cheek and I felt her heat radiating into my body from all angles. She was perfection in human form. Angelic and impossible.

We moved together for a moment, lost in time and each other. I didn't want to pull back and realize what I had done. I was afraid she would hate me. So I pushed further until she had laid down on her back and I hovered over her, gently holding her cheek. She didn't resist.

A moment later, she pulled back slightly and I gasped and opened my eyes to meet hers, ready for hatred. But all I saw was happiness and warmth. Her lips turned upward slightly, but her eyes were smiling in the best way. I started to laugh.

"I'm sorry," I got out in between my breaths.

"Why would you be sorry for that. I was just about to say thank you," she replied, still smiling lightly.

"You don't hate me?" I asked shocked.

"No, the opposite actually. Could I ask you something? You can say no," she whispered shyly.

"Yes," I whispered back.

"Can we do that again sometime?" She looked so hopeful. I smiled, and kissed her cheek.

"Anytime you'd like, Rose. Anytime."