I used to feel these things whenever our eyes met. I used to feel the rain even if it never came. I used to see the signs when our paths crossed. But I don't feel it anymore. It's been years, years since the last day of high school, years since the last time my eyes met Sehun's. And I don't know if I'll feel anymore.
We never talked, I probably doubt he even knew my name. But I did, I always watched him from the corner of the cafeteria. I didn't have many friends, but those who know me well can tell you that Sehun was for me what it is now for millions of girls and boys. I loved him back then and I still do. But I wasn't aware of that until I saw him again.
My friends always told me to look for him, but what good would that do? He probably would think my crush on him started when we all realized he was becoming an idol. It wasn't like that, but I was too stupid to tell him my feelings and when I realized, it was too late. So he reminds in me as the most beautiful memory of my teen years, he reminds in my like dreams and wishes when you can't make them true.
I feel it running through my veins sometimes, whenever I hear his voice, whenever I hear him sing. Sometimes I feel he is singing for me, sometimes I see the signs again, but I know it's just me, I know he isn't singing for me specifically. I won't deny it hurts but the pain doesn't come as often. Sometimes I feel like in a dream. Numb and tired. I feel like floating, like I'm aware of things but no matter how much I try to run, I can't. Sometimes I feel like running away, flying. But every time I try, the flames come back, the fire burns me inside. I used to love that sensation back in the time, whenever our hands touched by accident, whenever I caught him looking in my direction for unknown reasons, I used to love the feeling because it didn't hurt. But now, it only reminds me I'm alive, that I'm awake.
I saw Sehun again one day on the other side of the street. He was walking like he owned the world, like his life was complete. I was happy for him, happy to see him like that with his friends. But just like back in high school, he turned and his eyes met mine. I'll never know if he remembered, I'll never know if he recognized me, if he felt what I did. But it all came back, the rain came back, the flames, the thing I thought I lost. It all came back, and I felt awake. I knew I was awake. And he knew too.
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A/N: This was a very old request. [An Angsty Sehun] I'm pretty sure it's not angst but... I tried. I doubt the anon who requested it remembers even requesting it but I still hope y'all like it! Love you all, Ara~
