BIGBANG Next Door: Bang Epoque

PART 3 - EGO

Jiyong's Louis Vuitton history must've been pretty accurate because when I woke up and checked my email, I got another 150/150 with a note saying to keep up the good work.
I'll have to thank him when I see him.
I had plans to walk around today and was actually quite excited to be exploring my surroundings, it's been awhile since I've been on a walk.
I got out of bed after scrolling through hundreds of unusable information and take a quick shower. I put on some workout leggings and a loose t-shirt, I pulled my hair into a ponytail and then pulled tennis shoes on my feet before I picked up my phone and earbuds off the nightstand.
Once, I filled up a reusable water bottle, I thought for a second, Why don't I see if any of the BIGBANG boys want to walk with me?
That idea was set in stone when I walked out the door and headed up the steps of Bang Epoque before I knock on the door.
No one answered even though you could clearly hear someone rustling around inside. I knock again and someone finally says,"Who is it?"
"Sarah."
The door unlatches and Seunghyun's head emerges from a crack in the door,"Hello."
"Hi."
He opens the door a bit more and I can see that he's wearing pajamas again, this time they were black sweatpants and another white t-shirt that I hoped was clean.
"Wanna go on a walk with me?" I ask with a smile.
He blinks,"Uh.." he looks around on the street,"sure.."
I stayed where I was as he retreated behind the door I guessed to go up and get dressed.
When he notices I didn't follow him, the door opens again and he pops his head out again as he says,"Come on in. I'll be a minute."
He widens the door and I walk in before I look around,"Where's the others? Are they here?"
"They went to see if we could get some non-faulty speakers."
I laugh as I nod,"Definitely need that fixed."
He smiles as he walks to the stairs,"I'll be down in a minute, just sit in here," he points to their long couch before he basically runs up the stairs.
I sit down for a few seconds before pulling out my phone and scrolling through apps before the bell I heard yesterday chimed and the front door opened,"Seunghyun-hyung? Are you up?"
Jiyong walked into the living room and stopped in his tracks when he saw me,"Oh..hello."
"Hi."
"What are y-?" "
"COMING!" Seunghyun yells as I turn to see him coming down the stairs with the shirt I presumed he was going to wear halfway on,"What'd they say?"
"Wh...where are you going?" Jiyong looked surprised that Seunghyun was wearing normal clothes for once.
"On a walk with Sarah, she asked if I wanted to go."
"Oh.." he smiles awkwardly with some disappointment in his eyes,"have fun."
He walked away with a frown and walked up the stairs with heavy steps.
Seunghyun started lacing his tennis shoes with a shrug,"Don't know what his problem is.." Seunghyun popped off the couch,"How do I look?"
He had a bright white shirt on and black jeans, he hooked a white facemask behind his ears.
"You look great."
His smile lines on his eyes show up as he says,"Let's go!"
He eagerly walked to the door. I walked out first and he seemed hesitant but ended up taking a single step out.
I started walking down the steps and I stopped when I noticed he wasn't following,"Come on!"
I say with an excited tone and a smile. He took in a deep breath before he stepped the other foot out of the doorway and shut the door. He walked down the steps one by one and soon enough, we were walking side by side on the sidewalk.
He had already started sweating and looked worried about something but I guess every musical artist in hiding would be nervous about being seen.
Nonetheless, I was guaranteed to have fun with the overcast of clouds above me and Choi Seunghyun beside me.

A single month had passed by and Seunghyun and I have made the pact to walk every Saturday to somewhere new.
First was the neighborhood, then it was a strip mall not too far away, then a new park that had just opened up, and the last time was inside a mall.
It was invigorating to get to know my surroundings, especially with a companion.
Jiyong and I also made the pact for him to come over every Monday and Friday to help me with my homework, I knew he'd be discouraged to know that fashion month was over and that food month was beginning.
Seungri still had some sort of resentment against me but he actually talked to me when I'd pop by to ask for some milk or something.
Youngbae always said good morning or hi with a smile and chatted with me when we'd have the chance.
Daesung would say hi as well and would smile but it was always an unenthusiastic smile, like he wanted to be happy but couldn't.
Seunghyun was always the happiest though and he was the most energetic. He'd invite me to breakfast and we'd eat in our pajamas together.
I had gotten very comfortable with them and couldn't be happier about it.
After my first food lecture, I went inside and put on my house shoes before someone knocked on the door abruptly,"Who is it?"
"Youngbae..open up."
What's he here for?
Only Jiyong and Daesung had come over, Daesung the one time and Jiyong multiple times to help with homework.
I opened the door and see Youngbae wearing black sunglasses hiding his eyes, a bandana wrapped around his hair, and a hoodie.
"What's up?"
"I wanna talk about something," he sounded serious. I nod and move aside so he could walk in,"Want some coffee?"
"No thanks."
I shrug before I sit on the couch,"What's wrong?"
He crossed his arms on his chest before he sat down on the loveseat across from me,"How'd you get Seunghyun to leave the house?"
"I usually just walk in and he leaves-"
"Not Lee, Choi."
The fact he knew that Seungri hates me says a lot but I ignored it as I shrugged again,"I just asked if he wanted to go on a walk with me and he agreed, not much to it."
Youngbae stared at me like he was trying to figure out a mathematical formula, like I was a complex individual.
"Why do you ask?" I finally ask him to break the silence,"Is that not normal?"
He stares at me for a few more seconds before he sighed deeply and looked around as if he's looking for cameras,"I'm about to tell you something," he lowered his voice and leaned forward,"that you can't tell anyone I told you."
I wondered about what could be so serious that he's whispering and looking so paranoid.
"Okay."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
He takes off his sunglasses and puts his head in his hands,"I can't believe I'm about to say this.." he looks up at me and I notice some tears forming in his eyes before he clears his throat,"Do you know how long we've all been in our military services?"
"Close to three years."
"Do you know how much Seunghyun has gone through?"
I remembered the charges he faced and the hospitalization, it must've been hard for him,"Drug charges, hospitalization.." Youngbae looks dismal as I talk,"but I'm guessing there's a lot more."
He nods and sighs sadly,"There was a bomb threat where he was stationed once, then a couple shooting threats.." he continued to list some of the things and I felt my mouth gap open,"Seunghyun got it the worst but Daesung almost got it as bad."
"Wh..what happened to Daesung?"
"He was captured for a few days."
I felt my heart drop to the floor,"What about you, Jiyong, and Seungri?"
"Oh, we were fine. Nothing traumatic but none of us have really been the same."
"But, Seungri.."
"What about him?"
"He used to not be that angry, right?"
I heard a small snicker come out of Youngbae's lips,"He actually wasn't that way until you showed up, I thought you'd done something to piss him off until I realized."
"What is it?"
He laughed some more,"You know how Seungri was a huge flirt?"
I nod.
"Being in the military, he couldn't really step out of line and flirt all the time with the lady soldiers or else they'd probably shoot him 'accidentally' or judo flip him..I just think he's angry 'cause he forgot how to talk to girls."
"So..he's angry at me..'cause he can't flirt with me?"
"That or it's some sort of sexual frustration."
I feel my eyes widen,"That's not the Youngbae I know."
He shrugs and laughs,"Could be true."
I roll my eyes at his antics before I think for a second,"Has..Jiyong changed at all?"
"He always stares off into space with this look of emptiness and always talks like he's missing something."
I nod as I think about the time I had seen him do that, it was a lot more often than not.
Suddenly, I remember something and my mouth moves before I speak,"When was the last time you saw Hyo-rin?"
Hyo-rin was Youngbae's wife he married not too long before his military service. I had completely forgot how he couldn't hardly see her.
He frowns as he thinks of the last time,"Christmas morning."
That's almost three months ago..
"Why haven't you visited her?"
"Our company wanted us to take some uncharted time off to relax and return to our old selves, the whole reason we're in this house right now..I haven't seen her because she'll most likely tell everyone we're dismissed.."
"But, she's your wife."
"Doesn't matter," he says it sadly like he wants to see her so badly.
I feel a sense of dread for him before I remember that we had been talking about Seunghyun but we kind of got off topic,"Why is it such a surprise that Seunghyun walks with me every Saturday?"
Youngbae snaps into reality like a slap to the face before he says,"Before we were officially dismissed from our duties, we were all given doctors' exams. Mental health, physical health, ya know.." he looks at the ceiling,"GD, Seungri, and I passed both exams with flying colors. Daesung and Seunghyun on the other hand.."
I didn't know if I wanted him to continue but my voice couldn't seem to tell him to stop,"Seunghyun was diagnosed with PTSD and Daesung was diagnosed with depression and a couple anxiety disorders."
My heart snapped into two as I swallowed,"Y..yeah?"
"That time you asked Seunghyun to go outside the first time was the first time he left the house in almost two and half months..it was the first time he left the house period."
I stared at him like I couldn't believe a single word he had been saying,"Are you lying?"
Youngbae looked me in the eyes before he says seriously,"Think about all the times you came over and all Seunghyun was wearing were pajamas, how he doesn't wake up till midday most days, how he's always the one to answer the door, how he doesn't leave unless you're with him," his eyes turn dark,"then ask if I'm lying."

Jiyong was extremely upset when I told him that they changed enterprises,"So, I can't help you anymore?" He whined with his face full of annoyance.
"Not unless you know the top three food processors in South Korea then nope."
Jiyong sulks as he crashed on my poor couch face first,"Why do they do this to meeeeee?" His face was still in the couch cushion so his words were all muffled,"Now I can't come over..it breaks the rules..."
I sit by his feet before I lean over and rub his back,"It's okay, baby boy.." I tell him in a baby-ish voice,"You'll surviveee.."
"No, I won't!" He wiggled while he voice got whinier with every word that cane out of his mouth,"Mondays and Fridays with you were the highlights of my week.."
I stopped rubbing his back,"Really? You mean that?"
He lifts his head up and turns it towards me before bouncing up to sit on his butt,"Well, yeah, you get kinda tired talking to the same four guys for ten years," he gives me a soft smile,"that, and," he looks at my lips,"I haven't met a girl like you in a long time.." his voice trails off before he starts to slightly lean in but clears his throat and stands up as he scratches the back of his head and points to the front door,"I'm..I''m gonna-"
"Jiyong?"
He looks at me with his mouth making a little "o","Yes?"
"Can you tell me something?"
"What?"
I stare into his eyes for a few lingering seconds,"What is it you're missing?"
He blinks, obviously not expecting that,"Wha..what do you..?"
"I can see it. Staring and blanking with this look on your face like you're missing an old friend..what is that?"
He sighs before he sits in the spot he did before on the couch but a bit closer to me as he takes in a deep breath,"I know it may sound selfish and dumb but.." he sighs, a slight smile clear on his face,"I miss it. The spotlight. The fans mostly. I miss the adrenaline rush of the first hour of an album being released. I miss hearing how welly the final production for a song sounds. I miss the feeling of walking into the lights on a concert stage and singing as loudly as I can. I miss.." he looked at me with a sentimental look,"I miss the memories."
I intertwined my fingers in his to help him feel better,"Not selfish at all."
He glanced at our hands and back into my eyes for a whole silent minute before he says with a hoarse voice,"I'm glad people like you exist..never leaving even if there's a complication."
"It's definitely a trait to admire."
"Very admirable.." his voice trails off again as he stares into my eyes like they're as mesmerizing as black holes. His were beautiful yet dangerous black holes just like the ones with bits of color in them that distract and hypnotize as they pull you in dangerously close.
He leaned in more and more, dangerously close like we were being pulled in by the beauty of recklessness with our lips almost touching by half a millimeter, before he popped up off the couch and walked out the front door without even so much as a goodbye.