I woke up to the sound of people in my room outside of the closet door. Slowly, I sat up and listened:
"Addie, I just don't see how else her guitar would've broken."
"And I don't see how you can be so damn blind." She sighed and I could hear someone sit on my bed.
"Billie, she was gone most of the day, and when she was here we all saw that she was not in fact in her room. You're listening to the youngest child because he's the one who hasn't seen how hard the world can really be. We don't know anything shes been through or experienced."
"You told me before it wasnt an excuse for her."
"Its not. But jacob being young and in-knowledgeable towards life, is also not an excuse for him to talk to, and treat her the way she gets treated! Billie for Christs sake shes been gone for almost two days! You really think Jacobs right?" I could feel the warm streams of tears in my cheeks; taste the salt water when the ran over my lips.
"Addie, shes going to be grounded when she gets home."
"You have no right if you want to be the father she fucking needs." I looked down at my legs showing from shorts and saw the ace bandages, hiding the wounds. "She didn't do it!"
"And how do you know!?" I stood up and, without a hesitation, stepped out of my closet. They both turned to face me and both instantly stared at the bandaging.
"What happened?" Billie asked, confused.
"Doesnt matter. Im grounded though so fucking....you know." I walked around my room trying to conjure up mature words.
"Billie, adrienne, my time here has been....Simple. I feel I should leave though, not be grounded." I spoke after a few minutes and they both looked shocked.
"Why? And what did happen? The bandages?" Addie said softly. I teared up with my back to them and felt a few more stray tears fall, facing them.
"Look, I....Should really go."
"Saddie, You need to be punished." Billie started. I snapped.
"Punished? For what? Breaking a guitar I loved with all my heart, even was going to name? For not wantin to be bullied by a little brother who doesnt want me? For having anxiety? Depression? Not fitting in? Fo-"
"Saddie! Calm down!" Adrienne wrapped me in a tight embrace and I broke down.
"Im always to blame. My mom blames me for her alcoholism, Im not good enough for ryan, jacob hates me so of course I need to be punished because im disliked."
"Thats not why its because you-"
"You can fuck off Billie Joe. I looked up to you for so many goddamn years!-.." I pulled away and stared at him.
"Before I knew who my dad was, I looked up to you like you were a father figure. Your music helped me when I was suicidal, when my mom had her episodes, when I was being bullied in school, when I lost my sister, when-"
"Sister?" Adrienne spoke up and I sighed a shaky, sob breath.
"My mom drank a lot and lost a second child. She was going to be named Hannah." I turned back to billie and glared.
"Wanna know what happened? I. Self. Harm." His face lost all of its color and he stared between me and the bandages. I shook my head and crossed my arms.
"You...believe him. I cant stay somewhere that....where Im blamed for shit I didn't do, when Im to blame. When i'm put down and its fucking rewarded." I shook my head and stared at him.
"Im sorry, Billie joe. Im leaving." I said shakily, continuing to begin packing my bags. I loved the room, addie, joey, tre and mike....even Billie. But when he starts saying jacobs right?....
"Please dont go.."
"Why? So I can stay, be grounded for shit I didn't do, and continue to get bullied? I think not." I continued stuffing my bag and I heard a sigh.
"Saddie I...Im just...Its hard being a dad." I let out one single laugh.
"Really? Its hard being a dad? You know whats hard? Thinking your whole life, your dad abandoned you. Dealing with trauma from alcoholism, abuse, several kinds of assault, and severe depression. Even harder? Finding out your dads alive, his excuse for not having time id his tours keep him busy but NOT to his main family, and that he believes his bully of a son about every little thing he says about me." I faced him and froze; he was sobbing silently with his head down and Addie had left. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.
"Look, billie. I know you want this to happen; this whole me staying and being apart of the family...but I..." I sighed and shook my head, tearing up myself now.
"How bad are they?..." He finally looked at me, his eyes red and puffy as tears streamed his face. I shrugged.
"Im alive, aren't I?"
"Do..,Do you need stitches?..." I shook my head.
"I should be fine without." I stuffed my phone in a pocket and he sighed.
"You're really leaving?..." I hesitated and looked at him.
"Yeah. Because you wont put a final stop to Jacobs Bullying. And I cant be around that again."
"I have no proof he did it.."
"Joey told you. Addie told you. I wasn't even home for it to happen by my hands....yet you still honestly believe that Id do that. Its a shame, You would've been the nicest person for me to live with in the sense of a male authoritative figure."
"Saddie please don't leave..where will you even go? Cali is huge..."
"Ill just stay with matt or something." I looked at him and saw how sad he was; hurt even. But I was hurt far worse than he was.
"What would it take for you to stay?..." I hesitated.
"You catching Jacob red handed with his bullying and...don't force me into music JUST BECAUSE you and your entire family are tied to it. I have career aspirations of my own and will achieve them in due time." He looked at me.
"How exactly does one catch a bully red handed? They play the innocent card so well...and its my own son so he doubles his innocence."
"Yall just pretend youre not home; hide in here or in the stairway hidden, and ill talk to him." He hesitated, but nodded.
"If it'll get you to stay...we can do that." I looked at him and stepped over, wiping his eyes.
"Billie, dont keep crying."
"I cant help it. Your legs..." He kept staring at the ace bandages and I sighed.
"Theres not much I can do to change that other than try and keep strong and heal." I was still ashamed. I hadn't done that in over two years, and now all because of some stupid bullying 14 year old, I broke.
Id show him.
YOU ARE READING
My Life With Billie Joe Armstrong (discontinued)
FanfictionSadie Marie has never known her father, shes lived her whole life a fan of art and music; particularly rock music. Her life is pretty ok (or so she makes it seem until last minute) but when her mom sends her to cali for the summer to meet her father...
