My Life With Billie Joe Armstrong (discontinued)

Ch 17: Drama Queen

Around 8:30 that night, I was sitting in matts room on his bed with my suit cases in front of me on the floor; Havoc had roamed the house and made herself comfortable on top of matts tv in the living room (it was an old box tv). He was showering and I was wondering what he wanted between us; what I wanted between us. I got the sense he liked me, and Amanda, though I'd just  met her; she'd known matt for longer, and said she could see it. So maybe he did like me, and maybe he wanted more than a friend ship, but was I ready to move on? Was I finally strong enough to say fuck Ryan for what he'd done to me?

"You okay?" I looked up and saw matt in the door way; he was clothed but still wet, and I shrugged.

"I can understand that. Its hard to get over something like this." He sat next to me and looked at me.

"So, tell me about you. Your life; Your story." I sighed. I hated telling my story, but I felt like he'd grown a more trustworthy friend and Jammie or Ryan in the 5+ years I'd known them both.

"Well, my mother is an alcoholic. Slightly abusive towards me in my younger years, and she likes to sleep around. I would have a sister had she not drunk herself to abortion. She's the reason I'm even in Cali....she sent me here because she had a guy coming over and I guess now that I'm an adult she isn't obligated keep me around anymore." I felty eyes tear up. Not because I was sad, but because of the pain the memories brought. "I um, ive struggled with several mental health disorders since I was about 13 or 14; depression, insomnia, anxiety, ocd, adhd....I even had anorexia when I was 16...I got healthy again fast though. I have my high school diploma, ive worked several jobs, obviously I have musical aspirations in life but a huge mental fear of failure and rejection...not much more."

"Romantically?" I stared at him and he stared back; it felt like centuries before I cleared my throat and felt my cheeks blush. "Well, romantically? I suppose I'm over protective, clingy, caring, considerate, I have a bad habit of putting others before me, I get content in a relationship but never stop putting in effort; I can be considered the equivalent of harley quinn at some points maybe." He made me look at him again and smiled.

"Those all seem positive to me." I blushed and sighed trying not to smile.

"Thank you; I just wish I could've seen it in myself before; Ryan destroyed my self worth when he told me I was nothing compared to Jammie. Saying she was prettier, smarter, so many other better things than me..."

"Even if she is to him, I don't know her. And honestly anyone that thinks they're a real friend when they're doing shit behind your back is fucking two faced." I chuckled and Havoc appeared on my suit case, looking at me and purring.

"I have to feed her for the night, wanna smoke after?" He smiled and nodded; I continued to get up and go downstairs to the small glass dish he'd given me to use to feed her. She followed eagerly and sniffed the dish as I filled it, purring as she began  eating. When I got back upstairs, matt had two blunts and a zong packed. It was a small one footer but none the less.

"So, are you going to call him or anything?"

"Honestly I'm not sure. Im so tired of my life being shitty because of other people and the people who say they care don't do shit to actually help. I can only help myself so much and I've been an adult since I was about 10 or 13. I wanna be happy and have fun and laugh a-" suddenly his mouth had covered mine and I didn't push away this time. It felt okay to do; like he wouldn't do me wrong or hurt me, not the way Ryan did. If it didn't work out and he wanted I leave, we'd more than likely stay friends.

He pulled back and looked at me for a long few seconds before smiling softly; his eyes lit up a certain way and I could all but help smiling back.