Honey

Sunday Scaries/ i dont know what im doing

Sundays
Aren't always that great
After the late morning brunch
And I take care of everything I need to take care of
I'll just be sitting there
And have the sudden
punch in the face of
Oh shit

Honestly it's like there's a designated 15-30 minutes to freak out
It's the moments where I nitpick parts of my day where I absolutely fucked up
Thinking
'Jesus Christ why did I do that'
And of course during the school year
There's the constant thought of:
'I have so much to do in so little time'
And because I don't have each class everyday with 1 hour periods

I get a bunch more fucking work

And me being the absolute FucKing idiot I am thought
Oh ha ha I can take an AP and honors class along with play a varsity sport and have recitals and shit and get 8 hours of sleep
AND IM NOT TRYING TO BRAG BEcause THIS IS SHIT AND MY PARENTS THINK IF I TAKE AP CLASSES COLLEGE WONT BE aS EXPENSIVE-

Reader, aka Emma, we both know
There is no fucking way
I'm going to survive

So when the Sunday scaries show up at their scheduled time
I have the
Oh shit
Feeling of dread

School hasn't even started and I'm already on the brink of hitting something and crying because of the pressure

Like

My mom keeps saying
' I want you to do normal teenage stuff in high school like I did'

WELL MA
BACK THEN
SCHOOL WASNT AS EXPENSIVE OR VIGOROUS AND YOU DIDNT HAVE NEARLY AS MANY UNSTABLE PEOPLE AROUND YOU ALL THE TIME ALSO YOU LIVED IN RURAL FUCKING SOUTH DAKOTA SO-

like for real
In my school, we have:
-the pretties: they're stupid but loved by everyone
-the double threat: pretty AND smart but total assholes
-the perfectionists: the 4.0 GPA people that are total dicks if they get less that a 95
As an average person in this school, I do not recommend making friends with these people because I was lucky to get an 85-90 (except English god I loved that, mostly) and they made me feel bad about trying my best so
:))
-the student athlete: does as many sports as possible but still has hella grades
-everyone but me and a couple other people: shallow and uncaring on how their words affect others and think popularity is a thing

Also it's not like I'm stupid, I actually really like English and can whip an essay out in one sitting
but of course
the core academics there really focus on math and science
Something that does not click with me

(Luckily I can be done with math junior year
Also I'll probably not take my language junior/ senior year
I could've been done but like
I don't want to take a study hall yet so-
Yeah sorry Chen but fuck taking AP Chinese as a senior not about that life)

Except chemistry
That shit is fun as hell
That and its one of the few visually stimulating courses
Which is how I learn best

Anyways

Oh god and the mindless republicans that are so stupid it hurts

Not that being republican is bad but these girls-

Oh vey

Like seriously some things they say remind me of Hitler's ideas holy shit

To summarize: people in my school are hurtful, I don't meet anyone's standards and I'm already a stressed, cooked, mushy potato that doesn't want anything but to graduate with a moderate GPA and a smaller amount of mental damage than I'm expecting-

I JUST WANT GO TO MUSIC SCHOOL WHERE PEOPLE ARE JUST FUCKING CHILL AND NICE
AND THEY MOSTLY DONT CARE ABOUT GRADES YOU JUST HAVE TO BE GOOD AT FUCKING MUSIC

I don't know what I'm doing

Shocker