Broken Doll {ManxMan}

CHAPTER 45

Tobias didn't know I'd left the property, since he was still talking to Kailas by the time Demi and I got back, signing back in so no one would panic and think we were missing. Before parting ways, I stopped walking, calling to Demi.

"One thing, I just thought about it," he paused in his steps and turned back to me, scowling from my next words, "You can't be picking fights with Logan."

"Why the hell not?"

"You already know he wasn't the spy," I reminded, and he winced a bit, looking away, "He's been helping the rebellion for a while now, and whether people realize it or not, he's important to the Syndicate. Maybe not in the way one might think, but he's essential."

Demi didn't look very happy with that, "You didn't have to take responsibility of him like that. What, do you plan on taking him to Europe with you when this is all over, too?"

"I think that's up to Logan. The point is, we can't afford arguments in the first place, and arguments between you two could end in bloodshed. I've seen it happen a million times during training."

"I don't like him," Demi said childishly, and I rolled my eyes.

"It just annoys you that he was always able to meet your level so effortlessly," I chided, "but there are other people like that now, aren't there? Your cousins?"

"I don't like them either."

"Don't be so irrational, they seem really nice."

"They suck."

"Demi."

"Mahalia keeps trying to braid my hair."

"Is that why you cut it?"

"Now I'm safe from that humiliation."

"Jesus... you know you can be really childish," there was a soft smile on my lips, though, and I shook my head as I walked passed Demi, "I'll see you."

"Yea, have a good evening."

Tobias was out of the house most of the day with Kailas and the rest of the rebellion, so I was stuck in the guest house with only a few of the Syndicate, including Adalwolf, as well as Diego and Logan, who both appeared painfully bored. Hans was stretched out on one of the couches snoring from a nap, while Reiner sat at the small dining table across from Marlisa, playing some kind of card game. Adalwolf had taken the armchair as his own, looking through a file, and Adalard was on the couch reading a massive book. Klaus and Sasha had probably gone with Bryn and Tobias to talk with Kailas.

I couldn't think of anything I could do to distract myself, and I wasn't exactly tired enough to take a nap, so I simply closed myself into the bedroom I'd been sharing with Tobias, beginning to pace once everything from the front room had been blocked out.

Demi's words continued to cycle in my mind as I chewed my nails and paced at the foot of the bed, fidgeting uncontrollably and attempting to organize my thoughts. It had been months since Tobias and I had been together like that. The first time we tried anything after reuniting, I had a complete breakdown, and we hadn't tried since. Just last night when Tobias was playing with my shirt, I'd been taken by surprised, but now I thought about it, I hadn't been scared.

Then again I hadn't been scared in the beginning the first time we'd tried something, but when Tobias had moved on top of me, that's when things started to get bad.

At that thought, I considered what Demi had suggested, that I go on top of Tobias, ride him. I didn't remember ever trying that in the past, but I'm sure the idea had come up before. I probably brushed it aside because I was too embarrassed to try, but... I missed it. I missed being intimate with Tobias. It had always been such a special thing, and it always used to make me feel safe rather than scared, because it was Tobias. Maybe... maybe it could be like that again.