The Secrets We Keep (Formally WAIT)

Chapter 30

I peek through the cracked door to find the room empty. I see a few guitars in the corner and decide to pick one up. I take a seat on a stool in the middle of the room and fiddle with the strings.

I miss playing. I let out a breath and start to strum. The words begin to flow out of my mouth...

I'm so tired
I have to tame my mind
Before I get too frustrated
Can't go back in time
To change in someone's eyes
That I was not something to play with

Try not to talk about it
I'm too mad, I'm too late
I'm too gentle
It's too hard to explain, I'm not helpful

It's my body
And I'm trying to
Hate you
'Cause I want to
It's my body
And I'm trying to
While everybody loves you
It's my body
And I'm trying to
Forgive you
I don't want to
It's my body
And it hates you
Why does everybody love you

Sometimes I close my eyes
I miss the dancing lights
When it feels too wild for breathing
I can't sleep at night
Unless I start to lie
And believe it like a story
(Oh no)

Try not to think about it
So insane
I'm so used to my nightmares
It's okay 'til it's not and I'm back there
(no no)

It's my body
And I'm trying to
Hate you
'Cause I want to
It's my body
And I'm trying to
While everybody loves you
It's my body
And I'm trying to
Forgive you
I don't want to
It's my body
And it hates you
Why does everybody love you

Why does everybody love you
They don't know enough about you
Do they know that I regret you
Do they know I shouldn't have to
Why does everybody love you
They don't know enough about you
Do they know that I regret you
Do they know I shouldn't have to

I put the guitar down and pick up my bathroom pass, not really wanting to go back to class. I slowly make my way to the door and slip through the crack.

"F*ck!" I yell scared half to death. Clutching my chest I try to slow my breathing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Ryder says half smiling.

"Whatever, I've got to get back to class."

I walk passed him but stop and turn around.

"Were you spying on me?"

"Not intentionally. I just heard the music as I was walking back to class and stopped to listen."

I remain silent debating whether or not I believe him.

"I promise Lyssa."

We stared at each other for another moment before I finally said, "promises can be broken," and walked back to class.

I sat down next to Becca and she gave me a weird look.

"What?"

"Nothing, you just look upset. What happened?"

"Ryder," I grumbled.

"What did he do now?" She whispered back.

I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and motioned that I would text her.

"Ran into him in the hall. I think he was spying on me."

What do you mean spying? He didn't follow you into the bathroom did he?

"Lol no. I was in the music room and I walked out and he was right by the door listening."

Wait-hold up! Listening to what?

"I was just singing and messing around with one of the guitars in the room"

Okay-we will come back to that later. Well what did he say when you caught him?