The Secrets We Keep (Formally WAIT)

Chapter 32

"I don't know what to say, Ryder," I say carefully. "I don't want to upset you, I mean you're pretty intense."

I watch as his face falls. I shudder as the cold air strarts to creep into my coat.

"Can we talk inside the car," he asks standing up and shutting his trunk, "it's cold."

I look around the parking lot, hesitant to be alone in his car with him now that I know what he's capable of. There's a small crowd of people over by the entrance, but where we are there's no one in sight.

"Lyssa, please, I'm not going to do anything, I promise," he says with conviction. "I just want to explain. I'm sure you've got questions."

I think it over for a couple of seconds but my shivering gets the best of me and I nod in agreement. He opens the passenger side door for me and I climb in. I watch as he quickly walks around the front of the car and smoothly settles himself into the driver seat.

I turn my body so that it's facing him and so that my back isn't pressed against the seat. It's still sore from the other day and I don't want to lean against anything quite yet.

He adjusts himself so that he's facing me as well with one of his legs bent and resting against the center console. He taps the interior light on the ceiling illuminating the car with a soft yellow hue that's casting shadows across his face.

"Okay. First question, go."

I clear my throat and decide what to ask first.

"Um, okay. Why? Why are you doing this, isn't it illegal?"

He sighs before answering, "Its a long story, but I'll give you the abbreviated version.

"I starting boxing when I was 15, just for fun and a good workout. It kept me conditioned in the summer for Lacrosse and kept me out of the house," he paused to read my expression and I nodded for him to continue.

"Fast forward to junior year. There was some shit going on and I needed some money," my eyebrows scrunched in confusion and he paused to explain, "my dad got into some debt with some guys and then dragged my mom into it. Obviously, I wasn't going to let anything happen to my mom, so I needed money.

"Some guys approached me at the gym about this fight night where you could win some money especially if people bet on you. I agreed and started going in. Nights like tonight are just a bunch of amateurs, which is why I didn't get hurt. But that's how I started out. I eventually got really good, and when I did, Gino, one of the guys who had approached me, starting giving me money.

"If I won I got paid extra since he would bet on me. He had me run some errands for him occasionally to return the favor. I, um," he hesitates looking out the window, "I lost recently, and I owe him a lot of money. That was supposed to be my last fight, and then I was out, but now I'm kinda fu-screwed."

I take in all the information swirling through my head and let out a deep breathe.

I would've never thought that Ryder Benson, the school's asshat was mature enough to deal with all this shit. I mean I thought he was loaded. He seems to spend money like he grows it.

"Okay, follow up question. Why should I trust you? I saw what you did to that guy. It makes sense now why they call you First Blood. You were the first to make blood spill. That guy looked f*cked up."

He grimaces, closing his eyes as I mention his nickname and what he did to Three Second.

He opens his eyes when I stop talking and clenches his jaw.

"I swear on my life that I would never, ever touch you in that way," he says staring into my eyes intently, "fighting stays in the ring."

"That's a lie. You beat up that guy at the party," I say cringing with the memory of that night and how drunk I was.

"Okay, okay. You're right. Fighting stays in the ring unless I need to stop someone from hurting somebody else."

I shrug and bite my lip not really sure if I believe him.

"Okay, what else do you want to know?"

I looked out into the dark parking lot as I thought about what I wanted to know. I still had so many questions but decided to go with the most pertinent one.

"Why'd you tell me? Why do you care so much that I trust you?"

He fiddled with his hands as we sat in silence both lost in thought.

"Do you ever get tired of keeping it all inside? Because I do. It's exhausting. Before the real world got to me, I was living in this bubble of egotistical bullsh*t that got me into trouble and I didn't care about anyone, not even myself. I was just living for the next stupid thing I could get high off of. When sh*t hit the fan, I had to grow up."

I watch as he stares at his hands with a distant gaze. He sighs and looks up at me, the light bouncing off his green eyes making them glow.

"That's why I care. I know you're tired, too. I want you to be able to trust me. I just think that we're waiting for graduation and until that day comes, we could use someone to lighten the sh*tty days."

First of all, Ryder, you don't know sh*t about me. I'm not tired. I'm perfectly fine. I don't need anyone. He doesn't freaking get it. This is life. We're not in a freaking movie. We don't just get to forget our problems and have fun. Maybe he can do that, but I can't.

F*ck. I shouldn't be here. I need to leave. I'm not telling him sh*t, if that's what he thinks is going to happen.

The light above us suddenly shut off and my eyes adjusted to the dark.

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