The Secrets We Keep (Formally WAIT)

Chapter 40

This is too much. I should not be here. I'm so stupid. F*ck. Why did I agree to this? I'm going to get Ash killed.

I stand in the doorway as they both wait for me to enter. Craig looked nice and that's exactly why I couldn't get him involved. I need to cut ties with Ryder and get the hell out of here. I rocked on my heels before turning around and running down the hall and outside.

I can hear Ryder calling after me, but I don't stop. I just keep running. I'm on the main road now and I pull out my phone to call Becca.

She answers after several rings.

"Hey! Where are you?" She asks concerned.

"I need you to come and get me. I'm sorry, please just hurry."

"Oh my god, okay I'm coming now. Where are you?"

"Um..." I say looking around for a street sign, "Taco Bell. On Chase Street."

"Okay, I'll be there soon."

I run across the empty street and walk into the Taco Bell. It's pretty empty considering the time of day, and I take a seat in a booth by the door. My phone starts vibrating and Samantha's name pops up on my phone.

I decline Ryder's call. And his second and third calls. I anxiously wait for Becca to arrive and run outside the second she approaches. I slam the door shut behind me and take a breath of relief as I revel in the safety of her cars sweet scent.

It smells like Becca's perfume and calms me instantly.

"You okay babe?" She asks turning in her seat to face me.

I meet her eyes and think about what to tell her.

"Yeah," I say smiling, "I'm great now that you're here."

She bites her lip and squints her eyes at me.

"I half believe you. I like the part about me," she says winking. "Shall we?"

I nod as she puts the car into reverse and leaves the parking lot. I can hear "Quiet" by EXES playing softly in the background as the streets blur past us. Becca glances at me as we sit a red light and touches my hand that rests on my lap. I flinch at first but when I relax she interlaces her fingers with mine.

We stare into each other's eyes and when the light turns green she peels them away. My hand is starting to get sweaty and I feel so awkward. She can probably tell that I'm nervous, but if she notices, she doesn't make it known.

We pull into the parking lot, and she parks her car at the exit right next to mine. She releases my hand to put the car into park and drums her fingers on the steering wheel.

My heart is racing as the silence continues and we stare into each other's eyes. Her bright blue eyes are like a sparkling ocean and I can't look away. She leans in closer to my face and strokes my cheek with her finger setting my skin on fire.

She's just inches from my face now, and she glances down at my lips, licking her own.

"Can I kiss you," she asks softly wrapping her fingers in my hair.

I lick my lips and nod yes. When her lips meet mine my stomach erupts into butterflies. Am I doing this right? I've never kissed anyone before. She doesn't seem to care as she continues kiss my lips. She pulls away gently fluttering her eyes open and smiling.

My lips tingle adjusting to the lack of touch. I sit back and awkwardly stare at the radio.

"Hey," she says gently, waiting for me to look at her. "I'm sorry that you're hurting. I'm not stupid, I know something is up. I just want you to know that when you're ready to talk I'm here."

I nod shyly and she squeezes my hand.

"You're a good kisser by the way," she says with a perky smile.

I roll my eyes and the awkwardness is suddenly gone from the air. She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear reaches for a tube of lipstick in her cardoor. She flips open her visor mirror and applies it, rubbing her lips together.

When she's finished she turns to me and asks if I'm ready to go inside. 

"Yeah," I say nodding.

We exit her car and I walk with her into the school building. A bell rings and I ask her what period is next.

"Fourth," she says as we stroll down the hallways filling up.

We stop at my locker and I grab my textbook.

"Sh*t," I mutter under my breath.

"Whats wrong?" She asks looking for a problem in my locker.

"My backpack. I left it in Ryder's car."

"Oh, sh*t. Don't worry about it. I'll lend you a notebook and a pen."

She shuts my locker pulling me along to class. I try to remain focused the rest of the day, but my stomach is in knots about what happened this morning. When the day finishes, I wave goodbye to Becca and head out to my car.

When I get to my car I see my backpack sitting on the hood of the car. I happily pull it off and find a piece of folded paper tucked beneath the windshield wiper.

I pull it free and flip it open.

Lyssa,

I'm trying to understand why you ran away. I wish you would've stayed to talk. I can't help you unless you're willing to tell someone else. I've kept your secret safe, but I wish you would let me tell someone.

You have my number if you ever want to reach out.

I really hope you change your mind. I don't want to find you on the roof again.

-Ryder

I exhale in relief that he didn't tell anything to Craig, but part of me wonders if he's lying. I crumple the note in my hand and get into my car throwing the paper onto the floor. I pull out of the parking lot to head to work, preparing to see yet another person I've disappointed.