[Tainted — side story]
I married my co-host that eventually became my best friend; and now my wife.
°•°•°•°•°
The first few days of marriage, I was ecstatic. The emotions were high as we both know each other more deeply.
The first month, I was contented. Contented with waking up and sleeping next to her every passing day.. doing everything together.
But after 4 months, I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I cheated.
I didn't know what had gotten into me. Maybe because naninibago ako? I used to be gay.. I used to love men.
I hid it from her for days.. months.. hanggang sa umabot ng tatlong taon. I always go home late making sure she's asleep. I stopped her from going out.. I stopped her from doing what she loves the most —working. I was afraid for her to make the same mistake I've made.
Day after day, my conscience got me. I got guiltier more and more. Going home every night to my sleeping wife, seeing her innocent face.. Waking up next to her with her vibrant smile and Good Mornings..
Until my nightmare happened. And she finally gave up, dropped the fake smile as tears ran down her cheek as she said 'I cant do this anymore', she confronted me. She knows everything for years and when I saw her broken expression, how I wanted to turn back time and take it all back.
She didn't yell at me. She didn't hurt me physically. She just cried and stood there as she blamed herself of not being enough. She handed me a brown envelope and my world collapse when she walk away from me. I'm so stupid for doing it to her. How I wish to just die right there and then.
Everyday, a mailman passes by our house handing me the same papers I've been burning for days. I don't want to end everything.. I don't want to let her go until it stopped. I didn't received the papers anymore, my heart leaped because of joy but I got curious why.
And then the news came. My wife is having a baby, we are having a baby. I spend my day after work at her place, taking care of her. She doesn't want me to.. but I keep pushing myself. I reached out to her as she gave me cold shoulders.
She gave birth to our daughter. I was there, I hold her hand and cried as we heard the precious cry of our little one. We both agreed on a custody plan but I wanted more.. I want to build the family they deserve. I want to get them back fully.
I thought I wouldn't have her back. I thought she wouldn't let me in her life again, but she did. She forgave me.. she said she'll be better and try to make herself good enough for me.
That's when it hit me. Everything was my fault, but instead she blamed herself insisting na siya ang nagkulang sa aming dalawa. I felt my heart broke
I tried making it up to her. We continued our lives together but I knew things wouldn't be the same. It would never be the same.
She never told me, but I know every now and then, she still cries herself to sleep. May mga panahon paring natutulala siya at naiiyak, she still have nightmares about it. She still wonders what she did wrong.
I scared her for life.
End.
[Usually, I type my stories every night from 7-11pm or more kaya kadalasan ng updates late night or madaling araw na but this one's different! Inspired with a post I saw on facebook, so ayun.. Since may guide ako, sikat na sikat pa ang araw naka update ako hahahaha Enjoy!Lovelots!] -07.17.18
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