What A Lie Looks Like | ✓

1.13: sephine

I only had one final left, and I think that I might kill myself if I don't get the marks I need to keep my A's. I had no intention of actually studying today considering what today was, but if I didn't study I'd fail and get a B. So instead I focused on resisting the urge to slam my head into the textbook, I rest my head for a moment on the page focusing on balancing chemical equations, and the next thing I know Hayes is shaking me awake.

"Wakey, wakey, eggs and bacey," He coos, and I groan, wiping my hair out of my face as my eyes squint to adjust to the light.

"What are you doing?"

Hayes chuckles softly, taking a seat next to me, "You have some drool on the corner of your mouth."

"I do not," I retort back, wanting to do nothing more than rest my head on the useless brick, but I still wipe in case he was right. He was.

"Do you want some help?" He offers kindly-too kindly-and it instantly raises red flags in my head.

"What do you need?" My voice is flat and unamused because there's no way Hayes would be volunteering without an agenda.

He appears shocked, "I can't believe you think I have an agenda behind helping you?"

"Because I've spent every painful day with you for a month and a half, which neither of us would have put ourselves through if we didn't have agendas."

He then grins bashfully, "I do need your help. Are you busy on the twenty-third?"

"Is this something I'm going to regret?" I'm genuinely not in the mood to talk, but if I want the help, then I should probably hear him out.

Hayes hesitates, "Well, how much do you hate dressing up?" The look of utter confusion on my face is probably what prompts him to continue. "My family always comes back for a few weeks around Christmas to throw a large holiday party that is a way for my dad to impress his clients. I know that Tessa and her family will be there, considering they haven't missed ever missed the party." Except his family is extremely well connected, and I know my family will be at that party, not to mention Ollie will also be in town.

"My family attends your families parties, do you know how many questions it will raise if they see us together?" I hiss and drop my eyes from his face to the textbook.

He tilts my chin to force me to look at him, "Do you realize what kind of questions it will raise if we aren't seen together?"

"Fine. I'll go. Will you just help me now?" I ask entirely irritated now because I'm not looking forward to explaining me and Hayes to my parents.

Hayes doesn't stop even though I've agreed to go with him, "Are you that ashamed of your parents finding out that we're 'together?'"

"Just please drop it." I know I'm not being very nice, but I'm going to lose my shit if he doesn't just help me.

He pulls the book away from me, "No, I want to talk about this."

"Well, I don't. Not today," My teeth are grinding, and I know that it's a smarter move for me to walk away at this point, so I pull myself out of the chair with a screech completely forgetting about the textbook I don't understand.

There are a few stragglers who are in the same boat as me trying to get some last-minute cramming in before the last exams tomorrow, but none of them stop their studying to look up as I all but speed walk out of the library towards my car in the parking lot.

My car is covered in a light sheen of snow thanks to the dreary weather we're having, but it fits my mood today almost perfectly.

It's the first batch of cold that we've had all year, and I'm not going to lie that I miss the warmth, but I'm not sure it could make me feel less empty today.

Even though I know I shouldn't, I let everything out that I've been holding in as I cry inside my frozen car. The silent sobs wrack my body as I try to gasp for a breath, but it's not fair that I get to live while he doesn't.

It makes the loss feel like it was yesterday, but I know there's someone that understands and my numb fingers dial Ollie's number. He picks up almost immediately.

"Seph? Are you okay?"

The only response I can make is a ragged breath while my heart attempts to heal itself.

"Shit. I knew I should have called you earlier."

It takes a moment to form the words I want to say, "I miss him."

Ollie's voice is soft as if he's speaking to a deer that could be spooked at any second in efforts to calm me down. "I miss him too. Do I need to call your parents?" He asks gently, and I shake my head, not realizing he can't see me. I'll be fine. I don't need a babysitter.

"No," I whisper, trying to calm myself.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

He stays on the line as I focus on my breathing, and it's nice to sit in silence knowing that someone is entirely and utterly there for you. "You know he would have been eighteen today," I say once I'm almost completely calm.

Ollie clears his throat, "I know, Ethan would have made us take a road trip to drive up past the Canadian border so that he could finally legally buy alcohol."

I chuckle lightly because it's an entirely real possibility, "Or he would have gone to a tattoo parlor just because he finally could."

He laughs, and a small smile unfolds on my lips, "He most definitely would have."

I never started the car, so it's not a surprise that my hands are shaking and going numb from the cold. "I'll pick you up at two-thirty?" I ask changing the subject to when I'm picking him up from the airport tomorrow.

"Yeah! It's terminal-"

"Terminal three, I know, Ollie."

"Will you be done with your final by then?"

I want to slam my head into the steering wheel because my textbook is still inside with Hayes. "Yeah, I'll be done by eleven with it, so I'll be good to pick you up on time."

"Awesome sauce, I'm excited to see everything that you left me for."

I decide to let the comment go considering I did call him in tears, and all he did was listen. "Ollie?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I can picture him smiling on the other side of the line, "Of course, Seph, I knew that today was going to be rough for everyone. If you need to talk later or cry it out because I'm sure you've been bottling everything up just like you normally do, just call me, okay? Don't slip back into your old habits."

I sigh because I know that he's only saying this out of worry, but I appreciate him caring so much. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, buddy."

I can either go back inside and admit to Hayes that I was a bitch, or I can continue to freeze my ass off in my car and keep my pride.

I chose the second option even though it means failing my final.