I called Michael, begging that he would answer. He did on the third ring.
“Michael don’t you fucking dare ignore me right now,” I said, my voice shaky, “Michael?”
“Yeah?” he coughed, “wh-what’s wrong?”
“Ash-Ashton’s acting weird, h-he just got really v-violent,” I sobbed, the tears finally falling as everything came crashing down.
“What the fuck, do you want to come round? The others aren’t here though,” he said quietly.
“Yeah I’m here now,” I choked, hanging up and knocking on the door. Michael answered it, looking worried with an oversized stripy jumper engulfing his body, and his hands tucked into the sleeves like little paws.
I practically threw myself at him in a hug, suddenly crying so much I thought I’d never stop, but Michael stroking my hair and telling me it’d be okay as we walked over to the sofa made me feel instantly calmer. Without realising, Michael was sat with my head resting in his lap, his fingers running through my hair as I wiped the tears away. When he realised that I had calmed down, he pulled my head up to get me to sit up straight but I wanted to stay in a little cuddle with him because it made me feel safe and at ease so I rested my head on his chest, making him sigh and place his head on top of mine.
“Are you okay now Hanna-Rose?” Michael asked softly.
“Yes,” I replied with a smile and a deep breath.
“Good, now we can play video games,” Michael chuckled, practically throwing me off the sofa so I landed on the floor with a thud, making me stare up at him in fake-hurt. He smirked at me and threw the controller at my head to make a point.
“Hey, injured,” I whined, but I couldn’t help but giggle and throw it back at his head, making him fall back in dramatic pain, causing me to laugh even more.
A few minutes later, we were both back to our old selves, eating lots and playing Mario Bros’ very seriously, like not dying meant everything.
We had just got into our 12th game of Mario when someone knocked on the door.
“Probably Luke and Calum,” I suggested.
“You really think they would have knocked?” Michael said, “Hanna-Rose, it’s Ashton you twat.”
“Tell him I’m not here,” I begged, “please Mikey?”
“Fine,” he said, getting up and answering the door. I could hear Ashton’s voice asking if I was here or not and Michael said I wasn’t, “sorry Ash.” Michael said fiercely before practically slamming the door on him.
“Thank you,” I said, meaning every word. I couldn’t face Ash after the way he’d treated me earlier on. Michael just nodded, that little ever present smirk playing at his lips which were slightly parted as he chewed at the inside of his mouth. Even when he wasn’t feeling happy, Michael always had that little half smile on his lips, just turned up at the corners.
“You’re b-” Michael started but stopped himself with a frustrated sigh at the end.
“What?” I said quietly, wanting to know what he was about to say.
“I- you-” he stuttered but then just huffed and sat down again, “come on let’s play already.”
“Okay fine,” I sighed, grabbing the controller and continuing our game but it became less fun and more of an excuse for Mikey not to talk to me and it was annoying me that the mood was tense between us but I wasn’t sure why. Suddenly Michael stopped playing and chucked the controller on the floor.
“Can- can you leave now?” Michael asked, his forehead furrowed together in worry? Concern?
“O-okay... why?”
“J-just go, please,” he begged, his teeth tugging at his bottom lip nervously. This made my legs go weak and I suddenly realised something: I noticed the small things about Michael that I never really noticed before, like the way he coughs nervously and chews the inside of his mouth, lightly bites his lip and runs his hand through his hair and the little ever-present smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.
I had to leave before I noticed anything else about him that made me feel weak at the knees, because it was all new to me and I shouldn’t be feeling anything like that towards Michael.
I walked out of the door with a little sympathetic nod to him before leaving and walking back to my apartment where I hoped Ashton would not be.
He was.
“Where were you?” Ashton asked as soon as I walked through the door.
“I was out,” I said shortly, walking past him and into the kitchen.
“Hanna I’m really sorry,” he said, “I don’t know what came over me, please forgive me?”
“I’m allowed to spend time with Michael, Ash, especially when he’s upset,” I sighed, coming back into the living room and looking at Ashton who was wearing the bandana I had bought him for the carnival.
“I know,” he said, a sad tone in is voice, “are you still mad?”
He gestured for me to sit on the sofa next to him so, reluctantly, I sat myself down beside him.
“I don’t know, I can’t stay mad at you for long,” I sighed.
“Good,” Ash said in relief, and took me by surprise by leaning towards me and kissing me softly. I just really wasn’t feeling anything so I pulled away with an awkward shift of my body away from Ash. What was wrong with me?
“Sorry,” I said quietly, pressing my lips together.
“It’s okay...” Ashton said slowly as if he was also confused as to why I pulled away so quickly but I just got up to make myself a cup of tea or something even though it was 7:00pm and I hadn’t eaten yet.
“Um I’m going to see the guys now,” Ash called from the kitchen.
“Okay,” I said back.
“Bye Hanna,” he said quietly as he came into the kitchen and hugged me tight so I hugged him back.
“Bye,” I said as he pulled away and walked towards the door. It slammed shut and I felt like screaming because it had felt so awkward and it shouldn’t have felt like that. What did it mean?
