Just the Way You Are

Feel It

"Smile babes," I said, holding up my camera, "Beckett look this way." Each child was holding a chalkboard with their grade on it, smiles plastered on their faces. We hauled over to the school and I started by taking Beckett to the JK playground. He whined a bit but after getting hugs and kisses from his siblings and I, he scampered off to play. Next I walked Easton and Sutton into the gym to find their classroom teachers.

"I hope you guys have a wonderful day," I hugged them both, "I'll see you at three thirty. Love you!" I walked back to the car feeling empty handed. I texted Hunter their first day photos and headed to the yoga studio.

H: Love these! I'm bummed I'm missing their first day. How was Beck?

J: He was good. A bit hesitant but he saw the other kids playing and joined them. Idk what to do with myself right now so I'm going to yoga ;) call us later xo

H: have fun & I will xo

After yoga I got groceries, grabbed a Starbucks and headed home. It was weird being home, absolutely alone with no children. I realized that this was something I haven't experienced in eight years; it was weird and peaceful. I grabbed my guitar and sat in the living room floor with my note book and coffee. I strummed a few chords waiting for something to click in my head; where the sound and the words would flow from.

"So you think that you're the one who's up in score, just cause you're the first one walking out that door..." I penned the words down quick, "I might stay up, drink all night, curse and yell, I'll be crying black mascara tears, I might lock my door, turn off my phone, miss you bad for a week or so my dear, but I'm gonna be just fine cause you're never gonna find another heart like mine..."

I sang through the lines again making a few changes and scribbled down in my book. I sipped my coffee and back tracked, completing the first verse and the choruses until I hit a mental block. I took a break; tackling laundry in and did a quick vacuum before I took another swing at the song. I had a few ah-ha moments, sang through the song once and decided to let it lie for the rest of the day and with time to spare before getting the kids, I prepped dinner and made a batch of banana muffins.

"How was everyone's first day ?" I asked over dinner. Each child had a chance to tell me something they did on their first day of school. After dinner, I checked each child's bag for any signs of homework before sending them off to play. I prepped lunches for the next day and crashed onto the couch next to Easton when my phone began to ring. Hunter face timed the kids and told them he would be home in a week. The kids each told him about their first days before I got a word in.

"How are you love?" His voice was calm, happy.

"I am good, it was super weird being home alone all day but, I got a ton of stuff done and I kinda wrote a song."

"That's amazing. I can't wait to hear it." We chatted for just a few minutes before I had to get the kids bathed and in bed.

"Mommy, what did you do all day when we were at school?" Easton asked, his brown eyes were melting my heart.

"Mommy cleaned up a little, did some laundry and I wrote a song." He smiled, asking for a quick song before bed.

"You know I'd fall apart without you, I don't know how you do what you do. 'Cause everything that don't make sense about me, makes sense when I'm with you." I kissed his forehead and he snuggled into the pillow. "I love you Easton."

"I love you mommy."