Paper Wings

Chapter 1

     Have you ever floated endlessly in a sea of thoughts? Trapped, stumbling within your own mind. Go ahead, scream. No one can hear you. These demons are in beaded deep in my thin pale skin. Not visible to the naked eye. But things you can't see aren't real, are they? At least that's my mother's philosophy.
I've never met the standard requirements to be called a child of hers, let alone her only daughter. You must understand that I am her imperfections, her fatal, and only flaw. I'm responsible for the anger in her voice, the dissatisfaction behind those cold dead eyes. You see it's difficult when your mother is everything that you are not. Beautiful loved and wanted. The definition of perfect...
This is my truth. Eleanor is my name, but only to my mother. I've never liked my name, it doesn't suit me well. Or maybe I'm the one who doesn't suit the name. Personally I prefer Elle. The twins gave me that nickname. Blake and Tanner are roughly three years older than me and are far more precious to our mother than I. Tanner is older by only a couple of minutes, but he loves to ridicule Blake because he was the firstborn child. He believes that because he was born first he has more authority. They are identical twins but it isn't hard to tell them apart. I swear they could be polar opposites; at least personality-wise that is. Blake, however, is slightly taller and doesn't wear reading glasses, he is the bold, athletic, and seemingly careless one out of the two. He loves attention and is good at getting people to do exactly what he wants. A master of manipulation, just like mom. I'd say out of us three he is most like our mother, Addison. Tanner, on the other hand, is definitely wise beyond his years, he understands how the world truly is. Totally aware of the things around him, he's not ignorant like the rest. Tanner is very intelligent and wants to major in literature. I believe he would be best if he were to become a poet. He has a way with words. I take after Tanner that way. The writing part that is. But Tanner and Blake they both share the same sharp face, with ice-blue eyes and a perfect smile, their hair is longer and is the color of pure dark chocolate. They both have darker skin then I do. My skin is more of an eggshell white while their skin has almost a golden honey tint.
Now as for my father I am unsure. I haven't seen or heard from him in years. Mother left him and took me with her. She left because dad wasn't meeting all her standards. I guess my Dad was flawed too like I soon would prove to be. If Mom knew what I'd grow into would she have left me behind as well?
I stare wide-eyed into the harsh reflective full body mirror plastered to the back of my bedroom door. My thighs just barely touch. I'm embarrassed that they touch even the slightest. My mind screams relaying a message that I already know. It tells me you are a failure. Your body is a horrific display to others around you, they look at you with disgust. Do they stare terrified asking themselves how could I possibly live with myself? They know I am a waste of space, that I do not belong. You see the difference between us is that they can only see it. But I can feel it. The thoughts constantly haunting me, consuming my skull. You are never enough.
I'm about five foot six around average height, my dirty blonde hair falls just past my shoulders. My face is more of a diamond shape with overly prominent cheekbones. Oh and not to mention my ghostly white skin and dull sagging brown eyes. I could probably pass as a cancer patient, I look like death itself. I am nothing more than decaying flesh poisoning the soil I touch.