Light Up The Night | One-Shots | Discontinued

one hour ~ jpw03

lowercase intended

dying.

i knew i was dying.

the doctors wouldn't tell me that, but I just knew. the way they acted, the way they smiled, i could just tell. i may not be staying in a hospital room, but that was because my parents wanted me as comfortable as possible.

they wouldn't keep me here if i wasn't dying, would they?

every day, i was allowed one hour off the machines that whirred when i was hooked up. there was a heart monitor, an iv drip, and some other machine i never bothered to ask about. for the hour i was off, i recorded videos or streamed, depending on the day. no one in my community knew i was suffering; only my closest online friends did, and they never shared it with anyone. i hated keeping this big of a secret from my loving fans, but i didn't want to worry them when i knew i was the reason they smiled and laughed.

whenever i recorded with the bois, they always made sure to ask how i was before getting into recording. lately, i've been telling them that i was good, actually, which probably leads them to believe that i'm getting better.

i'm not.

i just didn't want them overly worrying about me.

i hate this condition i'm in. heck, it made me miss wade and molly's wedding! they had me tied into it, but i still felt super bad that i couldn't be there. wade had told me that he wanted me to be the usher, but obviously i wasn't well enough to when the wedding came around, so i told him to ask patrck if he wanted to do it.

one day, on a scheduled recording day with them, none of them showed any signs of online activity. i kept myself hooked up so that i didn't waste my hour waiting on them. my mom appeared in my doorway and seeing as i wasn't at my computer like normal at this time, she sat at the end of my bed and said, "jeremy, why don't you use your hour to spend time with the family?"

i could see the hurt in her eyes whenever she looked at me. she knew i was dying, and it hurt her greatly. i was her only child still at home, but i was dying.

"mom, you know it's hard for me to move around. besides, i don't want to suddenly get a response from the bois after using my hour."

she sighed. "can't you spare one day?"

"i guess i can."

she helped me get out of bed and go downstairs, where i proceeded to lay on the couch with oliver pushing his snoot into my face. i chuckled and pet him as my mom ran to the door upon hearing a knock. i heard some quiet, indiscernible conversation before i heard footsteps numbering way too many to be just my mother. suddenly, in front of me stood my friends: wade, molly, patrck, marie, and gar. i sat up slowly as i asked, "why are you guys here?"

"we wanted to visit you," wade answered, "before you go."

patrck took the spot next to me. "we don't want to lose you, jp. besides, we've never visited you here, at your home."

my mom, who had silently disappeared from the room, reappeared with my machines. "here, jeremy, you can enjoy more time with them down here."

i smiled. "thanks, mom."

i hooked myself up to them as molly said, "i thought you were getting better, from what wade has told me, but you look horrible."

"i didn't want to worry you guys."

"jp," gar started, "we'll worry about you anyways."

pat slung his arm on my shoulders. "we care about you, dude. not a day goes by that we don't worry about you."

"we want to be there to support you," wade added, "but we can't if you don't keep us informed."

i genuinely smiled. "you guys are the best, thank you."

wade placed a hand on jp's shoulder. "of course! just remember to take it easy, okay?"

"okay."

a few weeks went by, and i was at the doctor's office for a frequent check-up. i had gotten worse and worse, according to the doctor, so they reduced my off-machine time to a half-hour every other day and prescribed more medicine. i didn't appear agitated about it, but internally, i was upset because i now had less time to spend doing what i love. the moment i got home, i was recording an update vlog. i mentioned that i was really sick, but not that i was dying. i said i'm gonna get better.

i'm not.

it hurt to be lying through my teeth, but i didn't want to be completely realistic in that moment, like i had been with the breakup with brycelyn.

brycelyn. a name i haven't thought about lately. was i sick when we were together? i don't know, and frankly, i don't care. she was a bitch.

i bit my lip as i ended the recording. i still had yet to tell the bois about the reduced time, but i wasn't worried about it right then and there. when i got the update up, i wandered into other videos and their comments and noticed how many people were picking up on how i looked and acted differently. i knew i was stupid to keep such a big thing secret from them.

when another recording session with the bois rolled around, we got caught up in the game we were playing (gang beasts). i lost track of time and forgot about my half-hour limit. suddenly, i felt super light-headed. i think i was vomiting too, but i didn't know because i fell out of my chair and passed out on the floor. as i did, i heard inaudible yelling, but i don't know where from.

i woke up extremely shaky in my bed. my skin was pale, and i felt dizzy and light-headed. the beeping of the machines continued as normal. i was definitely confined to my bed and machines now, there was no denying that. when i reached to grab my phone and check notifications, i had numerous messages from wade, pat, and gar about what happened and even some from molly. my twitter, snapchat, and discord notifications were demolished with worried friends and fans. there were many missed calls. how long was i out? dang.

before i could do anything, my mom appeared in my room. "oh good, you're awake! you had me worried sick, jeremy! did you forget about your limit?!" i only nodded my head before she continued, "well, now the doctor told me that you have to stay in bed and on the machines."

i decided to be blunt. "well, i'm dying anyways."

"jeremy, don't be so pessimistic! you used to be so happy. i miss that."

before she could say anything, i vomited again.

the next week was filled with shakiness, dizziness, and vomiting frequently. my body was starting to fail on me, i was constantly extremely sick. i let wade access my youtube account to post an update video since i didn't know if or when i could return, plus i was in no condition to even record an update video, no matter how short. my parents (and oliver) were the only ones keeping me company in real life. i was on twitter and discord a lot more than i used to be. the bois were arranging a trip down to see me.

but i didn't know how much longer i had left.

next thing i know, the bois were set to come in a week. a doctor told me i have a week left. suddenly, i was staring a ticking time bomb in the face. no, i was a ticking time bomb. my body was breaking fast, but i beat the week to see my friends one last time.

i heard the sound of knocking and a door opening. i was feeling extremely unwell, being in so much pain. i wanted it gone. i heard running footsteps as breathing became more difficult. wade bursts in as I start struggling for air, struggling to breathe. i heard sobs of people yelling my name as the heart monitor started beeping irregularly. i wanted to reach out for them, grab hold of something physical, but i had no strength.

the last thing i hear is wade yelling out, "jp, no, you're too young to die!" through his tears before I slip into a black void and become nothing.

~•~

"hey guys. so, um, i didn't think i would have to post another video to this channel, but it's only right that you guys know. there will be no more content uploaded here. um, i - i watched jp die."

~•~

rest in peace
jeremiah woodward
a man kind to all
april 29, 1998 - march 25, 2019