Stranger

Nora

A/N: So it turns out my friend who works in the musical theatre industry in NYC has met LMM and he's as delightful as you want him to be. My friend has been ordered to FaceTime me if they ever meet again. On another note, it's hard to switch back and forth from 1st to 3rd person when you're working on multiple fics. Enjoy!

I decided I wanted to see my mother.  Not that I was terribly confident about it.  I wasn't sure how I'd react, seeing her in her orange jumpsuit, probably looking like hell.  Because one of her charges was child endangerment, she wouldn't be allowed to physically touch me, so we'd talk through those old-school phones through plexiglass.  Lin agreed to take me after school on Wednesday. 

I nervously looked at the floor as we rode the subway to the jail.  Lin wasn't asking me questions or forcing me to talk, gratefully.  I think he could sense I wasn't in a talking mood.  We arrived at the jail and checked in with the clerk.  Since I was a minor, Lin had to sign some extra paperwork.  We were lead to a holding room with uncomfortable plastic chairs; the kind they had a schools.  Gratefully, we didn't have to wait long.  We were called back by one of the guards.

We were searched and had to go through a metal detector, and through several locked doors.  Finally, we were brought to a long, narrow room filled with individual carrels.  There were several filled with other visitors, carrying on hushed conversations.  We were told the number of the carrel to sit at.  Lin found a chair off to the side to give me some privacy.

As I walked across the room, I took a deep breath, preparing myself.  I know Lin said I shouldn't do this for my mom, but I had to.  She was probably going crazy in here and needed me to boost her spirits.  I reached my carrel and saw my mother sitting across from me in her orange jumpsuit.  Her hair was greasy, she had bags under her eyes, and they were bloodshot.  Still, she smiled.

I sat down and immediately picked up the black phone.  "Mom!"  I greeted her cheerfully, like a little kid.  It was so nice to see my mom.

"Nora, I've missed you so much," she gushed, her voice sounding gravelly.  She put her hand up on the glass, and I matched mine with hers.  My hand was almost as big as hers now.  "Tell me everything.  Tell me all about what's been going on with you."

I proceeded to fill her in on school and how I'd gotten into a fight the second day I was there.  She just rolled her eyes, knowing it wasn't at all out of character for me.  I talked about the Mirandas and their house, and about how sweet Sebastian was.

"I think you've gained a little weight," she noticed.  "That's good."

I'd always been skinny as a string bean.  My pants had been feeling a little bit tight.  "So, how are you?" I asked, not sure I wanted to hear her answer.

"Not good, baby," she admitted, raking her hand through her hair.  "I haven't used in two weeks, obviously, and it hurts.  Don't ever get into drugs, baby.  It's bad."

I nodded, feeling badly for her.  "I have a couple friends in here.  People from my neighborhood in Queens.  They're keeping me sane, I guess.  The food's crap."

I laughed a little bit, remembering my time in juvie.  The food was nothing to write home about.  "When's your trial?"

She sighed, "Not until November," she reported.  Still two months away.

"How is that a speedy trial?" I asked, remembering from Social Studies that every citizen had the right to "a speedy and public trial".

"That is fast in the government's eyes," she said.  "Never mind that I've lost my jobs and haven't been able to pay the rent.  We'll have to move again when I get out."

I was used to the constant moving.  When we got evicted, it was one rental house or apartment to the other.  That's one of the reasons I didn't have much stuff.  The guard on mom's side yelled at her to wrap it up and she said something snappy to him.

"Well, I guess we've got to wrap this up, baby," she said, then lowered her voice, whispering.  "One of my friend's friends on the outside knows one of the guards.  He's gonna try to smuggle in some drugs for us.  We're going nuts without 'em."

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused.  "But Mom," I said. "I thought you were going to quit.  You've been off for two weeks.  Can't you stick it out?"

"It's hard for you to understand, baby, but my body craves it," she tried to explain.  "I don't know if that's ever going to go away."

"But can't you try?" I asked her.  "For me?"

"Nora, not even a mother's love is strong enough to defeat drugs," she told me.  She kissed two fingers and held them up to the glass.  I did the same, my eyes welling up with tears.  "Love you.  Bye."

Before I could respond, she'd hung up the phone and gotten up, ready to be led back to her cell.  I wiped at my eyes and hung up my phone as well.  I just sat there for a few moments, trying to compose myself.  Why had I done this again?  Was I hoping she'd be repentant or something, and tell me all about how she was going to turn her life around once she got out?

Sighing, I pushed myself up and walked over to the door.  Lin looked up from his phone and froze when he saw me.  I guess I was pretty obvious.  I was upset.  Wordlessly, I pushed the door open and he followed.

"Nora," he began, and I was so overcome with emotion, I knew I couldn't continue.  I walked over the wall and kicked the moulding in anger, then didn't bother to try to hold back my tears.  I put my hands on my head, laced together and just looked up at the ceiling.

"Sweetheart," he said gently, just a foot away from me.

"Don't call me sweetheart," I reminded him.

"Nora, it's okay to be upset," he said.  "Not many kids have to deal with this situation."

"She looked terrible!" I told him.  "And all she can think about is getting more drugs."

"Addiction's a powerful thing," said Lin.  "It flips priorities around."

"I don't know if she's ever going to change," I whispered, then couldn't take it anymore.  I squatted down where I was and put my head in my hands and just cried.  A few moments later, I felt a hesitant hand squeeze my shoulder.

"It's okay to let it out," he whispered.  For some reason, I needed to cling to him in that moment.  He was the only rational adult in my life at the moment.  I turned to him and buried my face in his shoulder, and I felt his arms wrap around me.  He guided me to sit down, leaning back against the wall, and he just let me cry.

When we got home, I was a little embarrassed about how I'd lost it at the police station.  Some kindly female prison guard had given me a handful of tissues, which I had balled up in my hand.  I went straight to my room and put on my headphones, curling up into a ball.

A while later, Lin knocked and came in with a plate of food, knowing I wasn't in the mood to join the family for dinner.  I wasn't that hungry, but I accepted.  Lin sat on my bed as I bit into a chicken nugget.

"Are you doing a little better?" He asked me in a kind voice.  I shrugged.

"Listen," he said, scratching his goatee.  "I know you're still really upset.  If you want to take the day off school tomorrow, that's fine with me and Vanessa.  You have a lot of emotions to work through."

I shook my head.  "I'd rather go just to take my mind off things."  I couldn't believe that had just come out of my mouth.  A free day off school?  Normally I would've jumped all over it.  It was nice to have a routine and predictability.  The teachers were really good and class was actually interesting because the kids behaved and the teachers could teach.

Lin looked surprised, but nodded.  "Okay, if that's what you want," he told me.  "Let me know if you change your mind.  Vanessa and I are heading to bed in a few."

I knew I needed to write something down before I went to sleep.  It was therapeutic and my mind wouldn't be able to stop to do it.  Once the door had closed, I pulled out my little notebook and let it pour out of me.