Stranger

Lin

On Sunday night, Vanessa and I finally turned off the TV, deciding it was time to go to bed.  I wanted to check on Nora before I turned in, so I gently knocked on her door and pushed it open.  I found her bedroom empty and immediately became concerned.  I turned the lights on and called her name, opening her closet and looking under her bed.  I looked at the window, wondering if she had somehow gotten out.  We still had the sensor on there, though, so that was unlikely.  Maybe she'd gone out through one of the boy's bedrooms.

I raced down the hall and pushed Sebastian's door open and was immediately relieved to find Nora curled up next to her brother on his little bed.  Sebastian's arm was draped over her stomach.  They looked serene.  However, Nora was incredibly close to the edge of the bed so I knew this couldn't last the night.  I watched them for a few more moments before very gently working my arms underneath Nora's body.  I managed to scoop her up and she stirred slightly.

"It's okay.  Stay asleep, baby," I whispered as I carried her to her bedroom.  I side-stepped through the door and then set her down gently on her bed and stretched her legs out.  Then I pulled the covers up to her chin.  Her forehead was wrinkled as if she were angry about something.  She began to move and mumble in her bed.

"I don't...." she said, her voice full of anguish.  "I can't choose."

I stood there watching her for a while to see if she continued.  "Moooom..." she said, "I don't know."

I knelt down next to her bed and gently pushed her hair away from her forehead to soothe her.  Hearing her broke my heart.  Obviously she was having a hard time if it was disturbing her dreams.  I wondered if it had to do with the custody agreement.  I stayed there with her for a few more minutes until she quieted down.  I sensed Vanessa standing at the doorway. Now that she seemed to be sleeping soundly, I gave her a gentle kiss to the forehead and walked to the door.  Vanessa had her head rested against the door frame, arms crossed.  I stopped in the doorway and we both looked at her as I sighed.  Vanessa took my hand and gave it a supportive squeeze.

"Come on.  Let's go to bed," she whispered.  I gently closed the door and followed my wife to our bedroom.  When we got to the room I collapsed on the bed, resting my forearm over my eyes.  Sensing I needed some TLC, Vanessa laid down next to me and rubbed her hand up and down my chest.

"What's wrong?" She asked gently.

"I think this whole custody thing is stressing Nora out," I said, rubbing my hands over my eyes.  "She was having a nightmare and talking in her sleep."

Vanessa sighed and gently played with my hair as I stared up at the ceiling.  "It's stressful for everyone."

"Yeah, but do I really need to be putting her through this?  I mean, she's half mine so shouldn't her mother have her half time as well?  Maybe I'm being selfish trying to get full custody," I wondered out loud.

"You're trying to do what's best for her," she reminded me.  "We both know that Laura's house is not a good environment for her.  You're doing what any good parent would do – getting her out of a bad situation.  It may suck right now and it may be stressful for Nora, but I think you're doing the right thing."

"I'm not so sure," I admitted honestly.

"Well, if you let Laura have 50/50 custody then you'll be setting Nora up for more problems.  It's going to be hard in the short run, but having full custody of her is better for Nora in the long run.  You know that."

"But what do I really know about raising a teenage girl?" I went on.  "I mean, I've been a parent for three years.  I don't know how to handle her issues."

"Are you kidding?" She gaped at me.  "You're the best father any kid could ask for.  You love her unconditionally, you spend time with her, you show her affection.  She's doing way better in school.  I'd say you're doing a pretty amazing job with her and the court will see that."

I just laid there, thinking about my wife's words.  Maybe I was selling myself short.  Most of the time I felt like I had no idea what I was doing with Nora, but as Vanessa said, she was doing better.  I loved her and I showed her that I did.  Wasn't that the most important thing a kid needed?

"If you decide to drop the case, you're sleeping on the couch, Lin-Manuel," she told me firmly.  I couldn't help but laugh at her authoritativeness. 

"Oh yeah?!"  I playfully rolled over and rested my body on top of hers, causing her to giggle.  I looked down into my wife's eyes and they sparkled up at me as she lovingly stroked my cheek with her thumb.  We just looked at each other for several long moments.  "I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," she replied, and I leaned down to capture her lips in a deep kiss.  We made out like teenagers for a few minutes, before pulling apart, gasping for breath a bit.  Francisco was crying.  I nuzzled my nose against hers and gave her another quick kiss before pushing myself up to go check on our baby.  The little man had a dirty diaper, so I changed him and then sat down on the rocker with him.  I started to sing gently to him and felt him falling asleep in my arms.  Very carefully, I stood up and placed him back in his crib.  I walked back to my room, feeling confident that all three of my beautiful children were fast asleep in their beds, safe.