In Love With My Idol: Shawn Mendes

Seven

"I don't understand." I say, "What do you mean, me? I make your heart beat fast?"

"Yes. You make me feel nervous, excited, refreshed.. Wanted..  I don't know how to explain it. Being with you, it's like when I play in a stadium filled with thousands and thousands of people. That's how you make me feel." Shawn explains. 

"I don't know what that's like Shawn, and I'm just me. I don't get it. Me?"

"Janessa, from the second I met you, the second you stepped in the room at the meet and greet, it felt completely different than everyone else who had walked through. I love my fans, I do, I enjoy meeting them and getting to know them. But with you, I knew I wanted to learn more, see you more, be with you more."

"Really..?"

"Really."

"Oh, this is so much to process." I look down and rub my temples as if it might help with trying to process it all.

"Take all the time you need. I just want to spend more time with you and get to know you more. And Janessa," he says while lifting my chin up towards him, "I can't really say 'I love you', but what I can say is that from the first time I saw you, from the moment outside the coffee shop, from the moment we talked about you and your family, it got me thinking that I really do want to spend all of my time with you. I want you to be happy, and I want to be the reason why."

At this point, tears are slowly streaming down my face, and I'm unable to control it. 

"You're beautiful even when you cry, but darling please don't cry." he says while wiping my tears away.

"I'm crying happy tears, Shawn. No one has ever said anything like that to me, ever. It means so much to me. But its still so hard to process it all. I've always felt the same way, since I saw your first cover on youtube, to your first vine, to your first concert. But I never thought that I would ever see you or meet you let alone be with you. And after meeting you and spending time with you, I am beginning to fully understand how much you mean to me. You truly do make me feel special, you make me feel needed, wanted. Thank you so much, Shawn."

Shawn moves closer putting his hand on my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into his touch putting my hand over his. I open my eyes and Shawn is looking into my eyes yearningly. I tilt my head up and tippy toe to meet him in the middle. He leans down a bit, closing the gap. Then, our lips meet. It's like fireworks, it's so electric. It was the perfect first kiss, everything I wanted it to be. We pull apart and our foreheads and noses are touching, and we're looking deeply into each other's eyes. I put my arms around him and rest my head on his shoulders. We stay like this, embracing each other, for a long time, but it doesn't seem like a long time when it's with someone you love. Someone you love... I love him. I do. We pull away from each other and he opens the passenger door.

"Are we going somewhere?" I ask him.

"Yes, I already got permission from your brother to take you for the night."

"Okay." I get in the car and he closes the door.

He gets in the driver's seat and starts the car. We play soft music, from his album as we drive. As he drives, he holds out his right hand facing up for me to put my hand into. Our fingers interlace, and rest on my thigh. I steal glances of him as he drives and I can't help but think I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know we're both only 19, but I can feel it, I can feel something so real, so there. I lean my chair back and slowly drift to sleep, still holding his hand, hoping it's not a dream, hoping that he'll still be here with me, holding my hand when I wake.

*********************

I wake up, still in the car, with a blanket over me and my seat reclined fully back. I look at my hand, and Shawn's still intertwined over the center console. And I look a little further over and see Shawn, asleep with a blanket over, too, him facing me. His hair falls just over his eyes and his eyes open slightly once, and then once more until they slowly flutter open.