In Love With My Idol: Shawn Mendes

Ten

"I know we're both only 19 and we're pretty young, but I know in my heart that I love you. I can't guarantee much right now, but only time will show how much I truly do." (Shawn)

"I know Shawn. And I think we're both taking risks here. You and you're booming career, and I have Drey to worry about, but I'm sure that if this is truly right for the both of us, I know it will work out." (me)

"I know my parents love you, and Aaliyah sure does, too." (Shawn)

"You think so?" (me)

"I know so." (Shawn)

"Shawn, don't get me wrong. I truly do love you, and spending time with you and your family. I just feel like we're moving kind of fast, don't you think? Like we've only known each other for a week now, not that I'm complaining and I'm super grateful to have met you and gotten to know you and your family, but is it okay if we just slow things down a bit? This is all just so new to me, I just need a bit of time to adjust." (me)

"Of course, Janessa. I completely understand. Take all the time that you need, and I promise to slow the pace of things until you're ready. And I promise to try and keep you protected from "my world" with all the paps and fans and whatnot. Okay?" (Shawn)

"Okay. I love you Shawn. And thank you. I really couldn't have asked for anyone else to be by my side right now." (me)

We stay up a bit through the night and talk some more, get to know each other even more, and that's when I look at my phone to see social media just blowing up. I see articles, and pictures, and big headlines. I'm reading through some of the articles and looking at the pictures and I just hope that Shawn really can protect me from all of this. People can really twist things up from just seeing a picture. There's a picture of Shawn and me kissing by his jeep, a picture of Shawn, Drey, and me getting into his Jeep, a picture of Shawn giving me a big bear hug, and so many more. But thank god it was night and you couldn't see much of our faces. Some of the headlines read: 

"SHAWN MENDES SPOTTED WITH NEW GIRLFRIEND"

"SHAWN MENDES SEEN KISSING A FAN"

"SHAWN MENDES HANGING OUT WITH NEW GIRL FRIEND AND OTHER GUY FRIEND"

"SHAWN MENDES OFFICIALLY MOVED ON FROM HAILEY BALDWIN"

"CAMILA CABELLO WITH MATTHEW HUSSEY, SHAWN NO LONGER IN THE PICTURE"

And it all just goes on and on and on. I could probably spend several days going through all the articles and just reading them all. I guess I'm staring a little to intensely at my phone bc Shawn takes it from my hands to see what I'm looking at.

"This is exactly what I was afraid of. I don't want you to be hurt by all of this made up shit that people just read to get gossip going. And I promised I would protect you from it all and I will to the best of my ability and I will make sure that my family will keep this all as confidential as possible, and I'll let Andrew know about this, so he and PR can figure it out." (Shawn)

"Thank you, so much. Yeah. I would prefer to keep it on the down low for now, because I need to figure things out with Drey and work and all this stuff. Can you promise me something?" (me)

"Anything for you. What is it?" (Shawn)

"Promise me that my name, it won't come out or appear anywhere until I'm ready..?" (me)

"Of course. I promise. When you're ready, just say the word. And even if that time doesn't come, I'll wait for you and give you as much time as you need. And if you don't want your name to come out, then it doesn't have to. It's all up to you." (Shawn)

"I'm so sorry, Shawn. You have to deal with all the fallout." (me)

"No no, baby. I knew this would happen sooner or later, but you just need to know that you will never be a "problem" to me or something that I have to just "take care of". You're going to come first and I promise to try to meet all of you're needs to the best of my abilities." (Shawn)