In Love With My Idol: Shawn Mendes

Twenty Eight

Reader's notice: This chapter may contain MATURE content. Read at your own will.

Shawn

Not having Janessa by my side, just isn't the same. I miss her laugh, her smile, her eyes, just her in general. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but I have to give her time. It hasn't been easy for her since we started dating, and now we're engaged, and she's pregnant, which makes things even more hectic. She was doing so well, and I had to screw it up. Well. Sort of. My performances haven't been the best, and I know it. I shouldn't let her not being here affect me, but it does in every way. Which means that I care, I care so much about her. I called Aaliyah asking if she had talked to Nessa since she left, and she said that I had to make things right with her. I explained everything to Liyah and she understood, but told me that even though nothing happened, I have to explain everything to Nessa. But it't not like I can do that, since she's not answering my calls and shit. I don't know what to do. I'm worried about her and I'm worried about the baby. I texted Drey whenever I could, and from what he's told me, Janessa isn't doing so well and it's all because of me. I mean, I didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but damn Alex made it seem that way. Yeah, that night at the after party was fun, because we hadn't seen each other since I left Pine Ridge, but the only girl on my mind is my future wife, fiancée, and baby mama, Janessa.

The crew and I are get ready for the NFL Kickoff performance, and go over the setlist and how things are going to play out. Everyone has been checking up on me, nonstop, since they found out about what happened. They understand both of us and support us through everything.

"Hey, Shawn. You doin' alright?" (Brian)

"Yeah. I'm alright." (me)

"You're gonna kill it out there today." (Brian)

"Thanks man, I hope so. I haven't been on my A game since Janessa left." (me)

"I noticed. But I know how to make that better." (Brian)

"Yeah, and how are you gonna do that?" (me)

"You'll find out soon enough. But for now, head on out onto that stage and kill it." (Brian)

When I was given the cue, I walked onstage and performed. Today's setlist is shorter than usual, which is good because it's hot and I'm exhausted and I really don't have the energy today. It got really hot so I decided, last minute, to take off my outer shirt in between songs and hilariously enough, it was so hard to take off. Between the heat and the shirt molding tightly to my arms, it was difficult to get off. I kept on performing until I came to the last song of the set list, "Use Somebody/Treat You Better", and I thought of Janessa, wishing she could've been here with me.

"This song I'm about to sing is really important to me because it's my fiancée's favorite song that I sing live. She's not here with me today, but I want to dedicate this song to her. This is for you Nessa." (I say as I pluck the chords)

I close my eyes and play, and as I sing the first line of the song, down in the crowd, right in front of me, is the love of my life. Janessa. Is she really here? Am I imagining things? Is the heat making me hallucinate? I keep singing, and she sings along with me, and that's when I know she's here. I'm filled with this crazy energy that I didn't have before and I play and sing with all my heart. She's here. She's really here. Before the song ends, Janessa starts walking towards the backstage. As soon as I'm done, I jog off the stage, give my guitar to whoever was standing there, and dash off to see my beautiful fiancée.

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Mike, Josiah, Eddy, Zubin, Andrew, Jake and Dave all walk up to me, hiding Janessa behind them.