Dear Diary (A dark Louis AU)

Chapter TWENTY ONE

A/N: so so sorry for such a late update, promise this is the last time <3 votes and comments will be appreciated!! 

Dear diary,

As soon as I left Louis' apartment I began to sob as tears streamed down my cheeks.

It wasn't because he humiliated me in front of his friends or because of what I did last night, no, it was because I realized that I fell in love with a complete and utter asshole.

He was such a jerk to me and I know that he is never going to see me as I see him, but I couldn't help it, I couldn't help the feelings I had for him.

But maybe that can change? Maybe he just needs someone to help him change?

I had no idea what I was doing, and at a moment like this I would always go crying to Alice and listen to her advise. But since she wasn't around anymore I decided to do the next best thing.

--------------

As I exited the taxi cab all I was left with were my thoughts. I wad standing in front of a green hill... a very special green hill... the one where my sister lies, buried under soil, her place being marked with a head stone which reads "a wonderful sister daughter and an amazing person".

I'm the only one here. The weather is sunny and very nice. There is no wind whatsoever, almost like the world is holding it's breath with me.

As I step further onto the familiar grounds my eyes begin to water. It's not an intentional thing, it's that moment where your heart just hurts. It hurts from the empty feeling inside. It's like when the one and only person that not only was your sibling, twin, but a best friend... almost the other half of you suddenly dies, you die with them... but not from physical pain, but rather the emotional pain that is never really going to leave you alone.

I sit down on her grave, my back leaning against the cold head stone.

"Hey sis" I say sniffling in a sob.

"I know you can't hear me, but I'm just going to pretend like you can" a little chuckle broke through my tears.

"Because I need you to listen" I say closing my eyes.

"There is this guy, he is.. well.. he is, different. He is rude, he is a slob, a tattooed punk, cussing jerk, ignorant asshole... but somehow, just somehow being the idiot I am I think I love him..." I let out a puff of air, finally letting the words fall out of my mouth.

"I met him at a party that Molly threw, you remember Molly right? Anyways so she told me to stay away from him, she said that he's dangerous.. that he's going to hurt me, but I didn't think much of it. And I guess she forgot it as well, since she introduced me to him and the rest of his friends... " I continued telling Alice the whole story form the start to the end. And it was such a relief to let it out of my system.

"So that's how I ended up here" I finished.

"You know it's such a relief telling you this, because I know that no matter what you'll always understand." I swallow.

"Even if you're not physically here Alice I can still feel you, you're always in my heart sis" I put my hand over my heart and look up to the sky, from where i know she's looking over me.

Tears start rushing down my face and I can't hold my feelings inside me anymore. I am now a sobbing mess. I collapse on her grave, unable to stop myself. I cry to the point where no sound comes from my mouth, I'm just crushed by the cold reality... my twin sister is not here to hug me and tell me that it's okay, she's not here now, and she is never going to come back. It's not just something that's temporary.. this is permanent.