When You Fall (ON HOLD)

Quiet Thoughts

Trigger Warning: Self harm
"You'll love it." I cringe internally when Shane says this. The urge keeps getting stronger, and I honestly don't want to fight it. Sometimes it's the only way to quiet the thoughts that are in my head.

Once Shane had gotten back in the pool, I decided to go inside for a moment. I get up and walk inside, going to the fridge to get some water. My mind keeps going back to those comments.

"Dang it. I was doing to so well." I say outloud to myself. It had been over a week since I had last had an urge to cut. I was trying to stop, because I knew everyone would want me to, and it wasn't easy, but this past week had been really good. "Why do you have to let hate comments get to you? They don't matter." I scold myself. I look down and notice that I had started scratching my arm subconsciously. I shake my head as I pull my hand away. Oh screw it.

I walk into the bathroom closest to the kitchen and look in one of the drawers. I had hidden a razor in the bathrooms I frequent, just in case. I pull it out and stare at it. Did I really want to do this? I could go back to the pool. Want to? No. Need to? Yes. I study my body, trying to decide on where to slice. I decide on my legs, close to the hem of my bathing suit, so that they could be hidden easily.

I take a deep breath as I begin. Tears form in my eyes as I make the first cut. I'm such a failure! I think to myself as slice again. I'm fat, ugly, boring. I cut once for each insult. I take another deep breath as I start crying harder. And I'm such a screw up. I can't even stop hurting myself even though I know I should. I'm disappointing everyone! I pick a clean spot and start again, once for each person I was disappointing.

Garrett. One cut. Morgan and Ryland. Two more cuts, a little deeper than the first. Shane. Another one. Andrew. Another cut next to the previous. My parents. I made two final cuts, deeper than the others. I was crying so much, I didn't hear the bathroom door open.

"Em are you- Emily! Stop!" Garrett rushed over to me, attempting to grab the razor out of my hand, cutting his finger in the process. I immediately let go of the razor and he throws it to the side.

"I'm, I'm sorry..." I choked through sobs. Garrett shushed me, holding my face in his hands.

"It's okay. It's okay Em. I'm gonna look at the damage, then clean you up, okay?" He asks as he wipes away a tear gently. I nod weakly as he takes a cloth and gently wipes away the blood so he can see how many cuts there are. Twelve total, six on each leg. "Oh, Em..." Garrett whispers, sorrow in his voice. He bandages the cuts and then cleans up everything else. Once he's done, he sits next to me, pulling me into his lap, hugging me. I was still extremely upset, but the crying had eased up. "What happened?" He asked gently, stroking my hair.

"I... Hate comments." I started. "I don't, I don't know why I let them effect me like this, I had been doing so well at fighting it, and I had been feeling better. But today, I just couldn't fight it. I'm sorry... Please don't tell the others. I don't want them to feel guilty." I plead.

"We want to help you know. I understand not wanting them to feel bad, but I think you'd be able to get better faster with help from all of us." I nod but don't speak. He looks me in the eyes and reassures, "it"ll be okay. But we need to tell them. Now."

A/N: 1. I hope you guys are doing good, and if you aren't and are struggling with something, please reach out to someone, there are people that will listen.
2. Thank you guys so much for 700+ reads, I honestly didn't think so many people would enjoy this story! ❤️ If you want, go check out my other story "Life's Little Remixes"