When You Fall (ON HOLD)

Be Yourself and Be Happy

Trigger warning: slight mentions of self harm, scars/past self harm, and minor hate comments

I stutter as I try to begin with what happened today, "Uh, well, I was having a relatively good day, and I was about to get in the pool when I noticed a notification on my phone about Shane's new video. I decided to skim the comments for a minute and then watch the video later." I take a deep breath before continuing. "I, uh, saw a thread of comments talking about how boring I was and that I was using Shane and Ryland. And it bothered me, but I decided to try to ignore it, because who cares." Shane nods in approval.

    "That's right. Just be yourself and be happy." Garrett smiles.

    "Exactly. But when I took a break from the pool, I got on Instagram and saw a tagged photo of me from the video today. It wasn't very flattering, so I decided to look at the caption and... Hang on." I pull out my phone and bring the picture up, reading the caption. "I don't know why Shane and the squad would be friends with this." I pause trying not to cry again and then continued, "she's not funny. Not to mention she's, um, she's fat and ugly too." Shane takes my phone to look at the photo and then passes it around so the others can see.

    "Em, who cares what they think, they're wrong." Ryland encourages.

    "Yeah, so wrong. You're hilarious, beautiful, and most definitely NOT fat!" Andrew chimes in, smiling at me.

    "Thanks guys. And I know. Normally hate comments don't affect me this way. But today I just couldn't handle it. And I, um, had an urge to cut again. I tried to fight it, a little... but um, I gave in." I look back down, ashamed. "I gave in and started, you know. And Garrett walked in in the middle of it." I look at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry..." I look at Andrew, who has a look on his face that I can only describe as confusion and sorrow. "He uh, stopped me and cleaned me up. Then he encouraged me to tell you guys." They all nodded and then Morgan spoke.

    "Shane why don't you, Ry, and I go and get Emily's favorite foods and then we can come back, eat and play games and just hang out?" I appreciate the thought but I think it was more of a way for Morgan to get out of the situation we were in currently. She can only handle so much emotional conversation before she wants to get out, which I understand, it can be rough. Shane nods before looking at me.

    "I'm proud of you for telling us, I know it wasn't easy. And I want you to know that we're all here for you and want to help." Everyone nods again and I smile.

    "Thanks guys." Shane, Morgan, and Ryland walk out of the door and go to get food.

    "So," Andrew starts once they had left. "You said when you uh, when you cut you did it where no one would see?" I nod as he continues. "Wh-where did you cut?" Curiosity in his voice. I look away.

    "Um, stomach mostly. Thighs occasionally."

    "How many times have you-" Garrett cuts him off.

    "Andrew!" Garrett warns. "I don't think that's a good idea."

    "Garrett, it's okay, really." I look at Andrew and answer the question he didn't get to finish. "I'm not sure how many there are, I haven't counted lately and then with the addition of today..." I trail off as he nods again.

    "Could I talk to you? Alone?" Andrew asks shyly.

    "Um sure, let's go in here." I gesture toward the room I share with Morgan. "Garrett we'll be right back." He nods as Andrew and I walk into the other room and I close the door. "What's up?"

    "Um, this is probably awkward, I'm sorry." His face was getting redder. "Um, do you think I could see, maybe?"

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