When You Fall (ON HOLD)

Insecure

Trigger warning for mentions of self harm and scars

Ugh I look so gross. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, the scars that litter my body showing as step out of the shower. I don't understand how Andrew or anyone could love this. I shake myself out of my thoughts and put my pajamas on walking to Shane's living room where everyone was sitting, editing videos.

"Hey there beautiful" Andrew smiles at me and I fake a small smile back and then walk past all of them into the kitchen. I hadn't ate dinner and I was starving. I grabbed some leftover pizza and walked back to the couch sitting next to Andrew and Morgan. Andrew pulls his phone out and puts an arm around me. "Emily, smile!"

"Andrew what are you doing?"

"I want to show the world how beautiful my girlfriend is. Now smile!" I shake my head and pull away.

"Stop Andrew" he frowns at me before trying again.

"You're being silly come on, show me that beautiful smile of yours." I huff and stand up.

"I said no Andrew!" I stormed into the bedroom and flopped on the bed. I don't want to be in any pictures today. Why can't he understand that!

"Hey, Emily?" I look up and see Morgan closing the door. "What was that about?" I shake my head.

"Nothing Morgan, I'm fine. Don't worry about it." I force a smile and she sits next to me.

"I'm your best friend, I know when you're lying to me. Talk to me." I stay silent for a few moments hoping she'll go away but she doesn't. "If you don't talk to me, Andrew is going to come in here. He's worried about you, I told him I'd see what's up." I sigh.

"Fine. I'm just not in the mood to take pictures today, and he didn't seem to understand that and I got frustrated, it's nothing." I lied, but if Morgan realized I was lying, she wasn't pushing the issue. She nods and gives me a hug and then walks back out. I climb under the blanket and roll over and close my eyes. I can't believe I just lied to her. Again. I start to tear up as a knock on the door breaks my from my thoughts.

"Babe?" I hear Andrew but don't respond. Maybe if he thinks I'm asleep he'll go away. "I know you're not asleep Emily." He says a little more stern than before as I hear him walk to the bed. He grabs my shoulder gently and rolls me back over so he can see my face.

"Hi." I mutter, forcing a small smile.

"You told Morgan you just didn't want to take any pictures.  But I know that's not the only thing happening here. Talk to me." He rubs my shoulder as I shake my head. "Please Emily, I want to help. I love you."

"It's stupid" I whimper, causing Andrew to shake his head as I sat up.

"Stop that. Nothing you're feeling is stupid. What is going on?" He presses again, grabbing my hand and kissing it. I shake my head and pull my hand away.

"I'm ugly okay? I feel disgusting and horrible and I don't how you love me or the way I look, you haven't even seen all of the scars. I'm hideous and I don't need to be in pictures and I don't deserve you." I blurt out, climbing off the bed, putting distance between us.

"What?" Andrew scoffs, "that's crazy. You aren't ugly, and you're not disgusting. Everything you just said is wrong Emily." Andrew gets up and walks closer to me, as I try to step away again. He grabs my wrist gently, pulling me to him.

"How can you say that when you haven't seen everything? You might change your mind. I don't know how you could love any of it." He shakes his head.

"I'm not Ethan, you know that." He kisses me, cradling my face in his hands. "I love you. Every inch of you, even scars I haven't seen before. And if you want to show me, I can prove  it to you." He kisses me again, his hands trailing down my sides until he reaches the bottom of my shirt. I pull away, allowing him to lift the shirt over my head. He looks at me, seeing scars on my upper body that he hadn't see before, and I immediately feel insecure once again.

"No." He grabs my arm gently, stopping me from covering myself. "You're so beautiful." He kisses me again trailing further down my neck and chest, then my stomach, kissing every scar he sees.

-Time Skip Because I Don't Like Writing Smut-

"Wow." I gasped as Andrew chuckled.

"Right back at you. That was amazing." He pulls me closer to him and kisses my forehead. "You are so beautiful, and I love you with all my heart. Don't forget that okay?" I smile and nod. "And next time you're feeling insecure, talk to me. Let me help you feel beautiful again." I nod once again and yawn.

"I love you too Andrew. I'm sorry I didn't come to you sooner."

"It's okay." He plays with my hair gently. "I don't know about you but I could use a nap" he chuckles slightly as I nod and yawn again, my eyes fluttering closed. "Good night Emily."

Okay so a little cheesy and probably not the best chapter I've written here, but I wanted to post something here since it's been a while. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know!