Past of Ashes. [DRAMA AU] X Reader

Ch. 5: Trouble in Paradise

After you finiah what you're doing and get dressed, you go down to join Yoongi for a nice lunch. He decided to cook for you this time. However, one thing that he did pick up on during the meal, was that you were terribly quiet almost through the whole thing.

As you two were done eating, you stood up to take all the dishes to the sink and wash them. Yoongi was walking behind you, and immediately went around you to lean against the kitchen cabinets. His arms were folded tightly against his body and he was looking right at you. You didn't see him, but you could feel his presence there. It made your heart start pounding wildly. As you turn the faucet on to run the water, you fought the urge to bite your lip. You were only able to get the sink filled up halfway before Yoongi pushed on the lever to shut the water flow off. You lift your head to glance at him. He was poking the inside of his lip with his tongue. His way of letting you know that he had something to say.

"What?" You say with a little attitude. The tone of your voice made the simple word sound more like a demand than an actual question. Which was somewhat unintentional. He took note of the irritation and let out a held breath. Your dark haired boyfriend relaxed his arms.

"You have been quiet the whole time we were eating. Is there something bothering you?" He asked softly. You looked away from him and turned on the faucet once more to finish filing the sink with water, adding in a couple drops of dish soap too.

"No, babe. I'm fine." You quickly add. You moved away from the counter and walked off to complete another task, but he leaned over and grabbed your hand to stop you. Pulling you back to him and wrapping his arms around your waist. Your cheeks heat up as his action made you blush. You couldn't make eye contact with him as he spoke to you. His voice was low, but gentle too.

"I hope you know that if there is anything that you need to get off your chest, you can come talk to me. At any time, okay?" He said into your ear as he traced his fingertips slowly up and down your lower back. His fingers were gently playing with the lacey end of your shirt. It had a  dainty see-through pattern. Yoongi's touch sent cool shivers down your neck and arms, giving your skin a blanket of goosebumps.

"Y-yes, I k-know." You reply almost breathless. You hear him click his tongue again. Before you had a chance to realize, he tilted your chin upward so your eyes could meet his. You did your best to slow your breathing, trying to make it less obvious how his touch made you feel. He smirked at your reaction.

"No need to hide it, Y/N. I can practically feel your fast heartbeat against me." Yoongi said calmly, slowly inching his hand up inside the lower part of your shirt. You close your eyes, gripping the back of his T-shirt.
"Y-yoongi.." You whisper, chewing on your bottom lip. You wanted him to touch you, but at the same time, you were having so many mixed feelings about all of this.

"Please, Y/N. We haven't been intimate for a long time. Not sine I brought you back to my place." Your eyes flutter open at his words, instantly connecting your gaze with his once more. Your own words were caught in your throat. It was difficult to answer him.

[Y/N's P.O.V]

As much as I love and adore Yoongi for sticking by me and being respectful toward my needs and my issues, I don't think I can give him what he wants right now. Not while I still suffer from panic attacks. Not while I still get anxious with anxiety anytime I am near another human being.
I take a deep breath in and lightly press my hand to his chest to gently push him away.
"I know, Yoongi. You're right. But, I'm sorry. I can't. Not while I still have my shit to sort through."

I think my words hurt Yoongi a bit, because he immediately let me go and stepped back. He rubbed the back of his neck. He turned away from me for a second to gather his composure and then faced me again.
"What's there to sort out? You make it sound like you don't want my help, or something. Look, I get it. I completely understand your situation and how you feel. But what about me? I am here for you! ME!" He put hard emphasis on the last word. He used one hand to slap it against his chest, and outstretched his free arm.