suicide || h.s ✔

thirty three - past

{Edited}

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Two months have passed since the date on the Eiffel Tower. Kaylee and I have been going pretty strong. In one month, she will no longer be on tour with the lads and I. Our management said it was okay for her to be on our European tour,but not our American tour. So, with one month left, I plan to make it special for her, or at least try to.

Anyway, tomorrow night is Kaylees 20th birthday which means I need to do something special for her. I have prepared for the fans to sing along with the lads and I to the classical happy birthday song. Paul will then bring Kaylee on stage with a cake and twenty candles for her to blow out. I am pretty sure the fans will do anything for Kaylee and I. You're probably wondering why they would do anything for her since they hated her. Ever since the interview, half of the people have backed off of her since they felt sorry for her. I know she didn't want their pity but if that got them to stop torturing her, then I would want the pity too. After the interview and our no bully school supplies with Office Depot, more people are standing up against the bullies and the bullies that are sending hate to Kaylee. So with the fandom on my side again, I guess everything should be fine. For now, at least.

***

"That's right ladies, Harry Styles is once again off the market! Boo I knows this sucks but with Harry being happy again, shouldn't we all be happy? Sources say that Harry was spotted in Paris at the Eiffel Tower with Liam Payne and Kaylee Hampton. Apparently, Harry had set up an adorable date for Kaylee with notes and rose petals. That night, Harry and Kaylee became an item again.

Here's a picture at the top. Now who ships Haylee as much as I do? Leave your answers in the comments below."

I re-read the internet post over and over again and then I chuckled. They came up with a ship name for us. I guess Haylee is better than Karry.

After exiting out of that tab on my laptop, I logged onto twitter to see that the One Direction fandom has once again took over all of the World Wide Trends.

#Haylee

#Hayleeforever

#Kayleeisawhore

#Harryisours

#ONEDIRECTIONFANDOMISBROKEN

#Hayleesucks

Some of the trends were okay were as the others were not so good. And to think that the hate was finally going to stop or at least kept to a minimum. But to see that they have taken over the WW trends makes me feel sick to my stomach. Don't they want me to be happy? Don't they see that Kaylee is the other half to my soul. I logout of Twitter, not being able to see any more of the tweets being directed to Kaylee and I but mostly to Kaylee.

I feel sick.

I feel like it's getting bad again, like I'm getting bad again.

I need to go and lie down.

***

After my little nap on the tour bus, I realized that it was dark outside. We weren't to be in the next city until morning. I got out of my bunk bed to see the lads and Kaylee sitting on the couch watching a movie. Well, not all of them are watching a movie since Liam is too busy texting and Zayn is asleep on the floor. Louis, Niall, and Kaylee are the only ones actually paying attention to whatever movie they are watching on the t.v.

As I come more into view, four heads turn to look at me. Kaylee looks at me with loving eyes and Louis, Niall, and Liam look at me with sympathetic eyes. They know. They must have saw the dreaded WW trends on Twitter. As I come closer to the couch, I feel a soft hand grab onto my shirt. I look down to see Kaylee smiling up at me with a bright smile. I make her move over and when she does, I sit down next to her, pulling her close into my lap.

"What's that?" I asked her, pointing to the black leather book she has tucked underneath of her arm.

She hesitates before saying, "Nothing, just a book I write some stuff down in.."

I can tell she is lying by the way her eyes cannot meet mine so I just say, "Okay."

I was going to see what she really writes in there. Maybe I can finally get answers on what really goes on in that pretty little head of hers.

***

At midnight, everyone was asleep in their bunks. I softly untangle myself from Kaylee and replace myself with my pillow. She snuggles deeper into the pillow and I slowly climb down, making sure not to make a sound. I walk back into the mini living room where the couch and the t.v. were. I walk over to where Kaylee and I were sitting and see the black leather book sitting on the small coffee table. I sit myself on the couch and put the book into my lap.

You shouldn't be doing this Harold. A voice said.

I know it was bad to look at other people's private things but I couldn't help myself. Ignoring my conscience, I open the book to the first page.

If ever found, please return to Kaylee Rose Hampton.

I flip to the next page and see that she has written small diary entries.

Dear Diary,

Today somebody pushed me down the steps in school again. I knew exactly who it was. I couldn't even bring myself to look up. I was trash and I was worthless. I deserved to be on the gross school floors. And I even let the popular group of kids kick me in the stomach until I knew my ribs were cracked. I let them hurt me because I don't belong here. I deserve to die. Maybe if they had kicked me in the head one more time, they would have killed me. At least then someone would have put me out of my misery and at lea-

I stopped myself from reading that entry, my heart hurting at the fact people have physically hurt her that bad in school. Skipping over some things, I flipped towards the back to a entry she had just wrote a few days ago.

Dear Diary,

It's getting bad again. Correction, I'm getting bad again. I am trying so hard not to go run into the bathroom, take a blade out of one of the shavers and slit my wrists until they are too numb to feel. I feel like everything I do, everything I touch, I ruin. I am slowly corrupting everyone around me. Do they even want me here? Does Harry even want me here. God, I love him so fucking much but does he even love me back? Who could love someone like me? Someone so worthless and unworthy of living. Who could love a girl so broken that she is willing to go and down the prescription pills in the bathroom of a tour bus? Who could love a gi-

I stopped reading this entry too. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. How did I not know that she was not okay? She seemed so believable when people ask her how she is and she says she happy. Am I really that blind? Looking down at the black leather book, I decide to close it shut. But when I miss the table and the book falls to the ground, I see a small white envelope fall out of the back. Picking it up, I see that it says "To Harry" on the back. Reaching into the envelope, I pick out a single sheet of paper and begin to read it.

Dear Harry,

I don't necessarily know how I should start this off. I have been trying for weeks, hell, even months to think of something to rewrite to you. I guess I should start off with how much I love you and that my love for you exceeds farther than the oceans. I want to say thank you for loving me and showing me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes, that lights dies out and do you want to know something? I'm that light. I can't breathe anymore with all this hate. Yes I still see it and I can't take it anymore. Someone like me doesn't get a second or a third chance. I don't deserve it.

So, my baby, if you are reading this letter, then that means that I have finally had the courage to hang myself from the ceiling fan or down the pills in the bathroo-

I stopped myself from reading and folded the letter back into the envelope and placed it back inside the book and then placed the book back on the table. Once finished with that, I sat on the couch and let the tears fall from my eyes.

Kaylee was writing her suicide note.

________________

I HAVE PICTURED THAT SCENE FOR SO FREAKING LONG