suicide || h.s ✔

forty six - past

{Edited} 

Songs for this chapter: All I Want by Kodaline

                                                 Moments by One Direction

                                                Heaven (slow version) by DJ Sammy

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It's been a little bit over two weeks since my last real conversation with Kaylee. Ever since we actually yelled at each other, we barely even spoken two words and it's killing me. She has completely shut me out and shut Darcy out, which is crazy since Darcy is a two week old baby who has done no wrong. I honestly feel so alone right now because I have been getting hate on twitter about Landon and Darcy and I am still grieving over Landon but that grief will probably never go away. And then taking care of Darcy all by myself is crazy and tiring. I get no sleep since Kaylee won't even get her when she cries in the middle of the night. Kaylee even stopped breast feeding which is a huge problem. I'm so alone and I know for sure that in a marriage, we are supposed to be together.

I guess I just got so tired with everything which is why I am sitting here alone in a bar on a Saturday night. I left Kaylee alone with the baby which probably isn't the best idea ever, but she needs to learn that there is another child that needs her. I don't know how much longer I can take this pain inside my heart until it consumes my whole self.

***

It was around ten at night when I got home. I stopped by Niall's house to take a quick shower and change my clothes so I didn't smell like beer and a dirty pub. I also stayed at Niall's for a few hours where Dar made me drink tons of water to sober myself up. I had gotten a pep talk from Dar telling me to just wait a little longer because it's probably harder on Kaylee then it might be on me. I didn't understand at first until Dar said that Kaylee's the one who had to carry Landon for nine months and it was hard not being able to hold him at all when he came out. I got where she was coming from, but I'm still hurting. I'm still losing myself inside and no one seems to care or notice. 

"Kaylee?" I called out into the dark house. The lights were all off besides the one inside the bathroom. I assumed she was taking a shower. I went into Darcy's room and saw her fast asleep on her back, her mouth slightly open. I then went into Kaylee and I's room where I quickly changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt and reminding myself to wash these clothes and give them back to Niall.

 

Once I was fully dressed, I was going to head to bed when I realized something funny was up. I had thought Kaylee was getting a shower but the water wasn't even running. I knew she wasn't getting a bath since the incision where they cut her was still hurting her. I then got out of bed, about to walk into the bathroom, when something caught my eye. It was on my side of the bed and it looked like a small envelope. I then went over and picked it up, noticing that there were two there. I quickly flipped the letters over and saw in neat handwriting, Dear Harry and Dear Darcy. 

I noticed it to be Kaylee's handwriting and instantly, I felt my stomach drop. My face went pale and I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I quickly dropped the letters to the ground and rushed into the bathroom, bile rising up in my throat and tears forming in my eyes. Because there lie my wife in the bathtub with slit wrists, red water, an empty pill bottle, and a gallon of bleach empty.