Helpless

Josh

When did this all start?
When did Simon start flinching when Josh raised his hand?
When did Josh stop caring?
He can't remember. He doesn't want to remember. He chooses to avoid the past so he doesn't have to come to terms with the fact he's such a horrible person.

Josh looks down at the empty beer cans on the bedside table, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and mumbling something tiredly.
He looks to his side, glancing over Simon who's lay with his back facing him, the only thing covering him were the shorts he was wearing. His body was decorated in scars and bruises, and for a moment, Josh felt guilty knowing he put them there.

The feeling soon disappeared and he didn't think more of it. The fact Markus may have seen them yesterday is playing on his mind. Even though he kissed Simon and made it look like nothing bad had happened, there was still a chance Markus saw past that and he knows.
Oh well.
He'll have to wait and see what happens.

"Simon, Get up." He nudges his arm gently, watching as the blondes eyes shot open, out of fear probably, and he couldn't help but laugh.
He used to be so nice.
He'd wake Simon up and they'd lie with each other for hours, talking and hugging, cuddling and whispering, gentle kisses in between words.

Now it's silence. Simon doesn't speak to him unless he gives him the conversation. He doesn't speak unless spoken too. He doesn't speak without permission. And if josh tells him not to speak to someone, he doesn't.
If he does..
josh will teach him his lesson.
And it's painful.

It started off as just words. He would constantly comment on Simons appearance, Simons personality, his hobbies, his favourite things to do. And despite how much he loved all of it, he changed everything just for Josh. He loved him. He wanted to make him happy, he was naïve and innocent.
Now he's broken and hurt.
When josh first hurt him, it was a shock for both of them. They'd been arguing and he slapped him across the face. It was followed by frantic apologising and begging for forgiveness.

And Simon forgave him. It happened again. And again. And again, until josh didn't even need to say sorry anymore. Simon would constantly forgive him. He didn't want to lose him. He had to hope josh would return to his old self.

The Josh that used to treat Simon to flowers each week, the Josh that would go ice skating and laugh when they both fell and became a mess of limbs on the cold ice. The Josh that was gentle and kind, constantly making sure he's happy.

Simon doesn't even know who he is anymore. He started drinking. Became violent towards him. He was controlling and ignorant, only being nice to him when they were in someone else's company.

Simon gets up, walking to the door after pulling on one of his hoodies, quickly leaving the room. He makes breakfast for everyone normally.
Today, he went to Markus' room.

He knocks on the door lightly, unaware as to whether Markus was awake or not yet.
The door was opened within a moment, Markus Looking Down at the blonde with a soft smile.
"Good morning, simon."
When he saw simon kiss Josh yesterday..
It hurt him. He needed to get over this jealousy.

"Markus.. can I come in? I need to tell you something, it's important."
The urgency in his voice was evident
And Markus let him in the moment he started speaking.

// Sorry for the short chapter y'all