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Chapter 15 - It's Personal

Serena's POV

I had closed my eyes while in Ash's car trying to see what he would do. I heard him chuckle as he picked me up and started to walk. I was going to open my eyes, but I was hoping that by the time I woke up that I'd be feeling the rays of sunshine on my face. There was a part of me that also hoped that Calem would be there to knock on my door to check on me. At the same time I wanted to try to distance myself from him.

There was a time in my life that I believed in Santa Claus. I thought that it was amazing that this old white guy would take the time to deliver 'kindness' to every person in the world. Even as I grew older I believed that there was some version of Santa Claus in our world, whether that be UPS or DHL. When Calem came into my life I believed that Santa Claus was trying to tell me that he was real, that he wasn't something of kids imagination.

When Calem talked to me that first day of school, expressing his love for school with a passionate grin, I was convinced that he and I would manage to last until we were forced into nursing homes. It was like that for a whole year, me believing in Santa and me believing in Calem's love for me. It was a 13 months into the relationship that he started to change, but I thought that it had something to do with his family/school situation. He told me a bit more about Ash, it had something to do with a business pressuring Calem's father. I wasn't sure how Ash and a business would connect to each other, but I let that slide with my love for Calem.

It was just a couple of weeks ago that it completely changed. I turned into a insecure, depressed balloon.. just waiting to be popped. And once I found out that he had been cheating on me, my belief in Santa ceased to exist.

He was a liar, that gave me false hope. Hope that I could fill my fathers gap with him. I now ponder whether my heart will ever recover from what I've gone through. If I had even gone through true love. If Calem really meant those words 'I love you'.

Because as Ash carried me, I found myself believing that it had all been a scam.

I had given my house keys to Ash when we were still in the car, which probably wasn't the best idea.. but hey, I was quite drunk then. I heard the key slide into the lock, but I never heard the door open. I opened one eye to see what the problem was, but all I saw was a blank stare from Ash. His eyes met mine and it felt like he was keeping in this statement that put pressure in head, because as he sighed heavily he said," Calem won't ever trust me again."

I wasn't sure what Ash wanted me to say, I guess nothing since he opened the door and started to look for the light switch. I didn't have this complexed answer for him, so the only thing I replied with was," You're right about that."

"Look at how he tried to woo you back"

"I can see why, I'm pretty hot. But seriously, how did we get to this?" I inquired, trying to hold in my dissatisfaction of not being able to relax. My head was filled with enough of Calem and Ash, I didn't need this whole new layer to be added to it.

"Were you serious about the part of 'willing to learn'?"

My confused expression must've been easy to read, because he started to laugh softly. "With all my heart, I was-"

"Don't joke around, you weren't," he cut in. "You're making it easy for him, before you know it he'll be back to being innocent and he'll be 'grabbing' you again."

"Is that-"

"It is a bad thing, you can't just let yourself be controlled by your ex's actions," Ash interrupted me again. He had finally found one of the switches and had turned it one. It illuminated his brown eyes as they stared at my blue ones. Even though I was a bit tipsy I noticed the repugnance in his tone. "He's already starting to become innocent, he's just going to get more and more jealous when I'm with you."