So I'm in marching band and all that shit and my bf is in there too. I was messing up the way that we're supposed to march and he was basically ignoring him and I was feeling pretty bad. So I got told to go back to the band room so I could practice my marching a bit more. Anyways they put me to a section leader so I could practice but I kept messing up and I ended up crying. Obviously the girl got all worried and well yea I was all stressed out and shit. I calmed down slowly after a while and well I finally practiced it and actually looked good while doing it. So I was fine for a while. Then we got to this thing where we all practice the marching at the same time, which we call the block because that's basically the shape we're making when we do it. Well my bf was still kinda ignoring me and i was starting to feel super stressed yet again. I ended up crying once again, simply cuz of it. So the band president (aka: my section leader) took me to the band directors office and we watched cat videos cuz apparently that helps her with stress. And well yea it helped. Everyone else had started practicing how we're supposed to stop in marching and well we practiced it in the office so I wouldn't be the only one there who didn't know how to do it and I did it very well. So yea I walked back and went into the block and kinda started ignoring my bf back. I started getting stressed again but I didn't cry this time until finally it was over. I started feeling horrible again, but not cuz of my bf or the stress (though it did have a part). I started thinking about my family issues and stuff and when we were finally supposed to go and my friends asked me what was wrong, I started sobbing. My bf practically ran to me, because he saw that I started crying at the block and that I was crying again. I was like being passed between my friends for hugs until I was taken to the band director and he hugged me and when I didn't stop crying when they said the stuff that I was doing fine, he like asked me if it was something else and I nodded, because yea the family issues, and well he hugged me again and assured me that I could talk to him. They started handing out bolis and well my bf was finally able to talk to me, since he had been talking with his friend who was also mine, and he hugged me for a good while. The band director then asked if we were dating and we said yea and then I started laughing cuz it was so out of nowhere. He asked for how long and we told him and then he asked if he had asked me out with flowers and I told him yea, almost having a laughing fit. And then he like said, "ooh, He's a keeper". I started laughing like crazy and then me and my bf went outside. And well he asked me why I had been crying and well I told him that I was stressed and that he had been ignoring me the entire time. He hugged me and well I started sorta crying again but I hadn't really stopped crying yet. We talked for a bit more and since I was feeling better, and he kept saying sorry, I told him he had to say sorry 1000 times before I could forgive him and he started saying sorry like super fast and I laughed and well I felt better. He kept apologizing and tbh I felt kinda bad about it, cuz like he should be able to talk to his friends too, I shouldn't be his only important thing. Then again I was stressed and everything that has happened recently had been piling up and well I couldn't exactly control my tears. But yea I felt better and well I haven't accepted his apology of jolly ranchers yet, I wanna do it in person. Anyways yea that was my morning. Pretty eventful. And guys you might say he's a bad bf but tbh I don't think he is. He should be allowed to do what he pleases and I guess it's not fair if I started ignoring him back. I can't expect myself to be in the limelight for him. Like he has friends, and yea I'm a bit of a loner (my friends all stayed behind while I went outside and I was lonely among the giants) and I shouldn't be like forcing him to spend all his time around me. It's selfish in my opinion. He's happy that I told him all that and still apologizing and stuff but he doesn't like that I say I'm being selfish :/ I'm probably gonna get told by a few others that it's not selfish but for me it is. It's how I am and I stick by it. I'm getting better tho, my jealousy has been going away, but I guess with all the stress, it decided to hit me hard -3-. Anyways I just wanted someone to listen to my semi rant. I'm feeling better now, and I'm hoping it'll rain cuz I love it when it rains. Hopefully music rehearsal won't be cancelled if it does ;-;
