No Exceptions (Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 4 - Letting My Guard Down

Felicity was better within a few days and since then we’ve been practicing the dance moves. I learned rather quickly but the boys took a while. They always complained about how they can’t dance. I believe everyone can dance if they truly set their hearts to it. I spent a lot of time with them, teaching them and just spending time together. Once they finally learned the moves we filmed the video and it was an amazing success. It was all over YouTube within a couple days and a few magazines were talking about it too. It was such an amazing experience. I never thought that I’d make it this far someday.

The boys and I have gotten much closer. We’ve spent more time with each other and I became really good friends with them all. I graduated a few weeks ago and it was now Summer. Sadly, I didn’t get the scholarship that I wanted, but oddly enough, I didn’t mind. I was actually kind of happy. I really wanted to travel for a few years before going to college anyway.I needed to get away from home and Holmes Chapel for a little while. I still applied for the performing arts school in London, but there was surely no guarantee of getting accepted. It doesn’t hurt to try though, right?

The past two weeks have been weird. Every time the boys and I would spent time together Harry would not feel well or he’d claim to be visiting his mum. Every. Single. Time. Was it because of me? Did I do something to him? No, I couldn’t have. I wouldn’t let myself get close too him. I pushed my self away, afraid of being hurt again by another guy. I don’t even know why I was pushing myself away from a relationship at this point, though. What was there to lose now, anyway? I have nothing to lose anymore. Nothing could hurt me now, only if I let it.

I really had nothing to be worried about. Yeah, I still danced but I wasn’t worried about being distracting by a boy, was I? No, I’m almost certain that I’m not. Then what is it? What was I so afraid of?

Oh yeah, maybe that’s it. My father left my mum when I was 5 and I never saw him after that. A few years later, after he left us, he got cancer and died shortly after. I never really had a father after that. My mum had a few serious boyfriends , but they were far from dad material. They all left her though, claiming I was too much. Oh, okay. So one kid, a calm little nine year old, is too much for you to handle? Okay, I get it. I see how it is. She always told me that my dad loved me though, and that it wasn’t my fault he left. It was hers. At the time I didn’t believe her. I thought it was something that I did. Maybe it was, but I’ll never know now. There’s no time to regret anything though. If I do, I’ll just be wasting precious time of living my life to the fullest and doing what I love to do. Dancing and enjoying my life.

That’s why I was afraid of Harry, or any boy for that matter. I was afraid that they’ll leave me, just like my father left my mum and I. I’ll be alone and I’ll have nothing. That’s what I feared. I was afraid to be alone. Harry would leave. He’d realize that I wasn’t good enough and he’d leave. I wouldn’t be enough for him. Every boy in my life has left me. I’m just me. Nothing else. I can’t be someone I’m not. I won’t change. I’m me. Don’t like it? Oh, well.

Like me for me or don’t like me at all. I don’t care. We’re friends though. Good friends. I’m not even sure if he likes me. Louis and Niall think he does. They’re always bugging him about it when we’re around each other. I’m not even sure if I have feelings for him? Did I? I hide my feelings anyway. I don’t leave it out on display for the world to see. I don’t tell anyone about them. I keep them to myself. I keep it locked away, deep within me, where no one can see it. Not even myself, sometimes.

Sometimes, every once in a while, it will peak through. The world can see it. Only for a little while, until I notice. Sometimes, I’ll find myself thinking about him. I’ll talk to him just a bit longer than I do with the other boys. And maybe I’ll catch myself watching him as we sit on my living room floor playing video games and fooling around. I think I do have feelings for him. I like Harry Styles. A boy that can have any girl he wanted. A boy who stole millions of girls hearts. A boy who will never feel the same.

I don’t want to let my guard down, but what if I did? What if I did let a boy into my life. Maybe I’ll try. Just this once. Just for a little while.

***

Hello, guys! Thanks for reading my fanfic! Do you guys like it? Should I continue? I really enjoy writing and it really calms me down, so if something I write is sad and depressing, it probably means that's how I felt while I wrote it. That's how I started out; emotional writing. It was recommended by a doctor to calm me down. I still write my own things, but I found that I love writing fanfiction too!

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