T.R.I.G.G.E.R

T.R.I.G.G.E.R - #31

Chase

Everything was tense. Head spinning.

I could feel my throat close up like I wanted to cry tears of frustration.

Frustration, heartache, and a rage so deep I felt it in the fibers of my fingertips. Tingling. Itching for me to snap.

Just to release the tension I felt in my body.

I had to do something to regain some kind of control of my mind.

The doctor still hasn't come out yet to tell us Emma's okay and I was starting to get very impatient. Agitated by the dragging minutes. It was nearly two hours ago when my mom and I made it here and they had just gotten Emma into her room.

There was no telling how long she had waited before that. Sad and in pain with no one around who really values every breath she takes.

It was bad enough imagining it, buy I would still have wanted her to know that we were here for her while she's in there fighting.

It would make her so happy to know we are all here for her.

The silence that took over the hospital was drilling a hole into my head.

Jackie had walked outside, I'm assuming for a cigarette, with my best friend following right behind her like a sick puppy.

I looked over at my parents. My mom's broken body sagged against dad's chest with fresh tears running a hot trail down her face.

Dad cradled her close, holding in tears of his own, but you could see the despair written on his face as clear as day.

And that was it.

I stood up, kissed mom on her forehead and told them I was going to the café for some food.

That was a lie.

Instead I walked pass the secretary's round desk to the back of the waiting room where the restrooms where.

Much to my luck, there was no one inside so I locked the door and went to the sinks, turning one of them on full blast to drown out any sounds that may be heard from outside the door.

I breathed in and out a few times, making sure my nose was clear before pulling a single dollar bill from my pocket that was folded in half twice to keep the powder from spilling inside my pocket.

I unfolded the dollar and held it carefully over the sink in case I spilled it. Then I used my pinky nail to scoop a huge pile of the white powder, and put it up one nostril sniffing hard.

Immediately I felt the drug hit my brain. The front of my skull throbbed once and then I felt the rush through my veins which pumped blood faster throughout my body every second that ticked.

It was euphoria. No crying or anxious fidgeting. No nurses or doctors.

I couldn't hear the distressed and panicking voices of teachers. Didn't hear the angry voices of my parents shouting at each other. Couldn't see my mother with tears streaming down her face or watch her float through every day depressed.

Once the buzzing in my sinuses slowed down, I felt a shudder go through my body, scooped another pile and sniffed it hard through my other nostril.

Then someone on the outside wiggled the door handle.

As quickly as I could, but also very carefully, I folded the dollar back up and stuffed it right back into its pocket.

Then I dipped my finger in the running faucet and made sure my nose was clean before washing my hands and wiping the countertop with a dry paper towel just in case.