A Chance To Break Me (UNDERGOING MAJOR EDITING)

42. How It's Done

~Donna~

Andrea tucked me into bed that night after hours of holding me, telling me I would get through it and begging me not to go to bed on an empty stomach.

She leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Goodnight baby."

"Goodnight Andrea." I sniffed. I turned to my side and closed my eyes and she took it as her cue to leave. She started to walk away towards the door but just before switching off the lights, she threw me a quick glance.

"Honey, I want to ask you something." she said.

I sat in bed and nodded. She came back to me and sat on the side of my bed holding my hand in her palms.

"You probably didn't notice this but you called me mom today."

I felt my body stiffen.

I did?

I looked away. "Oh, sorry. I was too emotional."

"Don't apologize." she quickly said and reached over to touch my cheek. "It gave me unimaginable pleasure to hear you call me that. Do you think... maybe you could call me that more often?"

I honestly had not intended to call her mom but she has been so good to me ever since I came here and she has been trying to win me over. Maybe the least I could do was call her by that three letter word I had never had the chance to use my whole life.

I nodded. "Okay... m.. mom."

Oh, that wasn't so hard. She scooped me in her arms and hugged me and I smiled. I could actually get used to this.

She left it at that, perhaps not wanting to push her luck.

"You'll get over the break up honey. These things happen."

She switched off the lights. I hugged my pillow and forced my eyelids closed, but nothing could stop the tears that ran freely down to my sheets. I wouldn't get over the break up. I knew I could never get over Anton.
He meant so much to me, I loved him with everything I got, and it took him just two weeks to replace me. There I was breaking up with my ex boyfriend Kitani so that I could give Anton all my heart and he had been busy screwing Ellery. A lot of things made sense now. How he wouldn't pick my calls or reply my texts, how I was ever the first one to call him while I was in Kenya and how he looked guilty when he kissed me. And I had sex with him. He warned me that I'd later regret it but only now did I understand what his words truly meant. Was Ellery on his mind the whole time he made love to me?

Am I getting paranoid?

I thought I could never feel pain worse than the news of my father's death but that, that was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. My father's death had completely broken my heart but now my heart was squashed and crashed and ground till it felt like it was no more than dust ready to be blown away by the wind.

But I would get through it. Andrea, mom... said I would and I had no other hope to cling to but that.

The following morning found me  dead asleep and I only opened my eyes when a worried Andrea roughly shook me asking what I was still doing in bed. My face felt dry from all the places the dried up tears from last night had touched and I tried to hide it from Andrea, from mom.

"I don't want to go to school." I whined and flipped the blankets over my head. They were pulled away almost instantly.

"Get up. I'll drive you."

Did she not hear me?

"Andre- mom... I can't go. I can't see Anton, I'm not ready."

I must have sounded devastated, or she saw something in my face that I didn't know because she dropped the strict mom act and sat on my bed and reached to touch my cheek.